I Will Pass This Way Again
by Cache
Summary: Crossover: Mercedes LackeyEFC. Slash. Sequel to 'I Choose You.' Gating continues to prove hazardous to one's plane of existence.
1. Default Chapter

**I Will Pass This Way Again**

**by Cache**

Type: Crossover, Slash 

Disclaimers: Earth: Final Conflict and its characters are copyrighted by Tribune Entertainment Company. [Da'an, Sandoval, Lili, Liam, Zo'or, Dr. Belman, Augur] 

The Valdemar universe and its characters are copyrighted by Mercedes Lackey and the books (_The Last Herald Mage_ series) are published by the DAW Fantasy publishing group. [Vanyel and Yfandes, Savil, Andrel, Moondance, Starwind and their respective bondbirds]

Rating: R 

The song excert is taken from the song "I Will Pass This Way Again" written by Rich Prezioso and performed by Small Potatoes {Jacquie Manning and Rich Prezioso].  It is copyrighted by Tatertunes Music 91995).  I have used this song before in one of my Da'an pieces and in truth I had no plans to use it [or any song] for this piece. That is until I was proofing and realized that the commong theme for this story is summarized in a verse of this song.  So it once again found a home in my writing.

There should be some other warnings that go with this. It is without a doubt a slash piece. This _is_ written off of Mercedes Lackey's stuff-and that includes her homosexual themes. You're warned right now. If you don't like it, don't read it. Just don't bother me about it. Obviously, I don't have a problem with it—or I wouldn't be writing this. If you do have a problem, I don't want to hear about it. That's what these warnings are for. 

Spoilers: Up to and including 'Atavus.' Mercedes Lackey's _Last Herald Mage_ series. 

Summary:  Gaiting continues to prove hazardous to one's plane of existence.  Sequel to 'I Choose You.'  Crossover [with Mercedes Lackey's _Last Herald Mage_ series].  Slash.

Author notes, etc.:  Some old, some new, please read them through. :)

You should probably read the first piece in this series ['I Choose You'] before you attempt this story.  It's not required, but it is definitely going to give you some much needed background information.

Regarding a timeline…. For the EFC universe, this takes place sometime after 'Atavus.' For ML, it corresponds with the _Last Herald Mage_ series, somewhere in between the first and second books. After Tylendel, but before Vanyel finds his second love. 

Okay, this is an ALTERNATE universe. Very alternate. I have taken liberties with both sides. I've always written Sandoval loosely, this is no exception. And I've done things with ML's universe too. I know there are lots of things that are wrong—why complicate the story line with unneeded explanations? And I know there cannot be a _kestra'chern_ at this time, but… I happen to like Sunlark, so he gets a place in my story. 

To answer some questions and clarify some things, I consider this a complete AU.  In other words, when I picked up the story line of EFC and LHM, I completely negated anything that might follow in the two original pieces.  They don't come together again.  

Unfortunately, this is the end of this series.  I did not plan on writing a sequel in the first place.  But after several people asked, I relented.  As a result, this turned into a very slow process and I'm still not happy with the final results.  Don't get me wrong, I loved writing certain parts of this piece and I have learned a lot in doing it.  But my heart was not in it as I would have liked.  I will apologize now…the scenes are lovely as stand alone pieces, the flow of the story is what is lacking.  There won't be another one of these.  As for what happens afterwards, you're on your own.  Use your imagination!

Sunlark is originally created by Gwyn.  I've completely revamped him to fit my needs.

Sundance and her respective bondbird, Silverstone, Serous, Moriganne, and her respective Companion, and Bud Kinsey all belong to myself.  Please do not take them without permission. 

Finally, thank you to Jakevi (my lovely new beta—as in the editor, not the fish :) ) and Ja'el for betareading this piece. 

************************************************************************

"Life is not fair."

Augur glanced up at Liam, watching him pace back and forth across the room.  Scoffing, he turned back to the computer screen before him.  "I know you haven't been here long, Kid, but surely you've figured that one out by now."

"I can't believe Zo'or closed the file on Da'an's disappearance!  He ended my investigation!  How am I supposed to find Da'an now?!" Liam continued, starting to yell.

Augur jumped as he heard something hit the wall behind him.  Hopefully it wasn't breakable….  "It's been a year; you had to expect them to close the investigation some time.  I'm surprised the Synod's kept it going this long."

"He thinks that I'm his attaché now!  Just because Sandoval disappeared with Da'an and he's out an assistant, he thinks he has a right to me."  Liam plopped down into a nearby chair.  "He thinks he's going to implant me."

"And?"

"What do you mean 'and'?" Liam snapped.

Augur shrugged, turning to face Liam once again.  He was getting tired of this game.  Liam had grown more and more testy since Lili, Da'an, and Sandoval had mysteriously vanished a year ago.  Already the hybrid had racked up quite a bill—of things he'd damaged or destroyed in his fits of rage.  And Augur intended to present it to him—as soon as Liam was in a better mood….  "You expect me to feel sorry for you?  If you'll remember, you got yourself into this in the first place.  As long as Zo'or isn't trying to use _me_ as his lab rat again, he can do whatever the hell he wants with the rest of the populace.  It's not my problem."

"Not your problem?!"  Liam launched himself out of the chair.  "It's going to be your problem shortly.  If you had any idea what Zo'or intends to do….  He's going to annihilate the Resistance!  We're talking martial law—and Thompson's going to endorse it!"

"He doesn't have any choice but to endorse it," Augur pointed out.  "Would you go somewhere else? You're being depressing…."

Liam grumbled, heading towards the door.

***

"I can't believe it's come to this," Liam said as Belman entered the lab.

"Zo'or insists on complete loyalty from his assistants—and there's only one way to ensure _complete _loyalty," she said simply.  "The only reason he's let you go this long without a CVI and skrill is because you were protecting Da'an.  He felt that not having those enhancements compromised your position, and it was in his favor to compromise Da'an's security as much as possible."

"But I'm assigned to Da'an, not Zo'or!" Liam protested.

Belman shook her head.  She truly felt sorry for Liam.  Losing Da'an had been hard on him.  Liam had prided himself on the quality of protection he had provided Da'an—to have the Companion just completely disappear….  She knew he wished every moment that he had been with Da'an that day instead of letting Sandoval accompany the Taelon.  And now this….  "Liam," she said softly, "Da'an's been missing far too long to expect to recover him."

Liam nodded solemnly.  "I know that, I was just hoping….  If Da'an was here, I wouldn't have to go through with the implantation."

"You could always refuse."

He hesitated, as if considering the possibility for a moment, but then shook his head.  "Zo'or would have me killed on the spot."

She grimaced.  "It's still a choice."

"Death might be preferable to living as Zo'or's slave."  Sighing, he propped his head up with his hands.

Pulling a chair up in front of him, she hesitated.  There were too many things she needed to say—none of which he would like.  She hated having to do this, especially when it was someone she knew—and especially when she could spare them nothing.  "You realize I don't have time to reengineer a CVI for you.  It took months to remove the MI from the first one.  And since they're partially biological in basis, each one is slightly different.  Even having done it once, it would probably take near the same amount of time to locate and eliminate _this_ particular MI."

"We don't have that long," he reminded her.

She took a deep breath.  He seemed to be accepting this well.  Maybe he'd resigned himself to the fact that death was the only way to escape the fate Zo'or had decreed for him.  Or maybe it hadn't quite registered just exactly what this all meant.  Considering Liam had worked with Sandoval, she decided the former was more likely.  "No, we don't.  Zo'or ordered it be done this afternoon.  He's anxious about something."

"His project."  Liam looked up at her.  "He's moving on the Resistance…."

Belman nodded; she'd heard as much.  She looked deep into his eyes.  This was her fault, she should have been working on a new 'adapted' CVI since Boone's death.  But she hadn't seen a reason to; Da'an would not have let Liam be implanted.  And she hadn't expected to ever lose Da'an.  "The human mind is stronger than the CVI, Liam.  You can fight it."

"You forget that I'm not all human, Doctor."

She turned away from him.  She hadn't forgotten, just chosen not to acknowledge it.  "That's another thing, I'm not sure how the CVI will respond to the fact that you're part Chimera."

"I don't see that we have any other choice."

She shook her head.

Liam stood.  "The let's not spend time worrying about things we can't control and get this over with before I change my mind."

***


	2. Chapter 2

Bright sun filtered through the leaves of the trees, dappling the lush green field.  Vanyel sighed, leaning back against a large rock and focused on nothing but the feel of the sunlight on his skin.  He closed his eyes.  It was such a beautiful day….

"Falling asleep, _ke'chara_?"

Vanyel smiled, not opening his eyes.  Sandoval….  Even had he not spoken, Vanyel would have known who it was.  "Thinking about it, my Raven," he said, using his private name for his lover.  "I thought you were practicing with Moondance."

"We finished up quickly and I insisted he give me the rest of the day off."

"Something special in mind?" he asked, hoping he already knew the answer.

Vanyel felt Sandoval sit down beside him, leaning heavily into his shoulder.  "Moondance has been working me way too hard these past few days.  I was thinking about taking a nap to make up for it."

Opening his eyes, Vanyel turned to face Sandoval, a mischievous smile on his lips.  "And what makes you think you're going to sleep?"

"Sleep is overrated anyway," Sandoval sighed.  Scoffing, Vanyel brushed a stray piece of hair from Sandoval's eyes.  It was actually beginning to get long.  Soon it would be long enough to braid a feather into.  Closing his eyes again, Vanyel let his mind wander in that direction.  A snow white feather….

"Vanyel?  Van?!"

Vanyel jumped at the voice.  Who…?  He stood up quickly, responding to the urgency in the call, and nearly tripped over Sandoval.

"There you are," Starwind said breathlessly, crashing through the dense foliage and into the meadow.  Vanyel flinched.  If he hadn't bothered to use the path….  "A messenger has come from Valdemar; she says it's important that she speaks to you immediately."

"I'm coming," Vanyel replied.  He threw Sandoval an apologetic look.  To all outward appearances, Sandoval merely nodded.  But Vanyel smiled as he was surrounded by feelings of understanding and support.

:_Later,_ ke'chara_,:_ Sandoval whispered in his mind.  :_I hope for you that it is good news_.:

Vanyel turned to follow Starwind.  There were definite advantages to having an empath for a lover.

Reaching the main clearing, Starwind slipped off the path, disappearing back into the undergrowth.  Vanyel hardly noticed—Tayledras had a habit of appearing or disappearing suddenly.  While the Vale seemed loosely constructed to most, they truly worked off a strict social order.  One which Starwind would not break by intruding upon Vanyel's conversation, not without being invited.

Vanyel stopped as he entered the field.  A Herald in full dress stood before him, the woman's stark Whites contrasting the deep green surrounding her.  Whites?  All the way out here?  Surely she hadn't traveled in them—she would have been a moving target!

:_Glad you recognize that_.:  Vanyel heard Yfandes' 'voice' in his head.  Two Companions appeared at the far end of the clearing.  Vanyel nodded to 'Fandes.  :_But no, she didn't travel in them.  She wanted to look her best_.:  Yfandes tilted her head, studying him as he stared at her blankly.  :_What did you expect, my love?  Vanyel the Shadow Stalker, Deamonsbane….  She's nervous about meeting you—it's not everyday that a young Herald is sent to retrieve a legend.:_

:_Retrieve?_: Vanyel asked.

:_I'm not the one delivering the message; she'll explain_.:  'Fandes snorted, shaking her head.

"Herald Vanyel?" the woman asked tentively, as if afraid to disturb him.

Vanyel sighed to himself, turning his attention from Yfandes to the woman.  How he hated this—people looking up to him as a legend.  He came here to get _away_ from that.  "I'm sorry," he apologized, remembering to abandon his Tayledras and switch to a language she would understand.  "I was speaking to Yfandes.  She has no manners…."  He threw 'Fandes a teasing glance.

The woman laughed softly, still tense but relaxing slightly.  Vanyel smiled.  What Herald didn't understand about a Companion's uncanny sense of bad timing?  :_Me?  Bad timing_?: Yfandes asked.  :I'm offended.:  Vanyel ignored her.

"K'Treva is a long way to ride.  I hope you didn't have much trouble, not many representatives of Haven come this far," he continued.

"I was given this…."  She took a ring off her finger, handing it to him.  "I was told it would give me safe passage."

Taking it from her, he examined it closely.  It was fine silver and covered in an intricate, delicate, flowing design that could only be of Tayledras origin.  An inscription on the inside caught his eye:  With love, my Wingsister.  Vanyel looked to the Herald before him, confused.  There was only one person the ring could belong to….  "Where did you get this?" he asked.

"From Andrel.  He…he told me to come get you…."  The woman hesitated, averting her eyes from him.

"Andrel?  I don't understand.  This belongs to Savil…."  He flinched as a horrid thought hit him.  Savil….  Taking a deep breath, he tried to force the thought from his mind.  But the look in the woman's eyes when he met them only confirmed it.  "Savil?"

"She's sick and Andrel…."

"What happened?  She wasn't sick when I left," he exclaimed, unbelieving.  Savil couldn't be sick, let alone _that_ sick.  She never even got a cold….

"You…you've been gone a long time," the woman stammered, backing away from him.

:_Van, calm down_,: 'Fandes interrupted him before he could speak.  :_It_ has _been a long time since we left—nearly a year…._:

He spun to face his Companion.  :_A year?!:_

:_Shhh…_: she continued, :_just listen.  You deserved it, Vanyel.  You haven't stopped working since you got your Whites.  After this last assignment…you almost burnt yourself out, so they agreed to give you a break.  Not just a vacation, a break—until you felt you were rested enough to come back.  I was going to tell you eventually…._:

Sighing, Vanyel shook his head.  This was too much at once.  Savil…no…this woman had to be wrong….

Vanyel was broken from his thoughts as a soft, velvety muzzle bumped his shoulder.  Slowly, he realized that he was on the ground, 'Fandes standing over him.  :_Vanyel_,: she said gently, bumping him again.  :_It's okay; just lay still.  Moondance is on his way_.:

***

"Sandoval?" Sunlark called softly, reaching the door of the ground room Vanyel and Sandoval shared.  No one answered.  "Sandoval?" he repeated, entering the structure.

Vanyel lay on the bed, sound asleep.  Sandoval sat curled up in a chair next to him.  From across the room, Serous looked up, woken from his nap.  Finding nothing to alarm him in Sunlark, he closed his eyes once again.  Quietly, Sunlark knelt beside Sandoval, placing a hand on his shoulder.  Sandoval stirred slightly at the touch, sighing contentedly in his sleep.

Sunlark smiled, shaking his head.  When he first meet Sandoval he had worried that the man would never sleep peacefully, haunted in his dreams by problems he would not—could not—face.  Now he slept soundly.  Most nights.

Turning slightly, Sandoval opened his eyes.  "Sunlark?  What are you doing here?" he asked in flawless Tayledras.

"Checking on my friends," Sunlark answered.  "Surely you did not think I would leave either of you to face this alone."  He stood and took a step back from Sandoval.

"Of course not."  Sandoval stretched, untangling himself from the chair.  "Thank you."

"You may not thank me in a moment.  I had more of a purpose in coming than to ensure you were both well."

Sandoval looked at him curiously.  "Let's go outside to talk," he suggested, nodding towards Vanyel's sleeping form.  "I do not think he will wake, but…."

Without a word, Sunlark turned and stepped outside.  Taking a seat on a conviently placed rock, he waited for Sandoval.  A few moments later the short, dark man emerged from the ground room, Serous on his shoulder.  The small falcon blinked in the bright sunlight, a drastic change from the darkened room he had just come from.  "We need to discuss Vanyel…." Sunlark started.

"I suspected as much,' Sandoval sighed, finding another rock to sit on.  Serous chirped indignantly, jostled from his roost as Sandoval sat down.  "Then go away, stupid bird," Sandoval snapped lightly.

Sunlark laughed as Serous made a big show of rebalancing himself on Sandoval's shoulder, 'accidentally' smacking his bonded with his wings in process.  Sandoval scoffed, ignoring the bird.  Once Serous had found a position that satisfied him and finally settled down, Sunlark turned back to the business at hand.  "How much do you know about Savil?"

"Vanyel has told me a little.  She's his Aunt?"

"Yes," Sunlark agreed.  "Vanyel lived with her at Haven when he was young.  That's where he met Tylendel.  'Lendel was training with Savil at the time as a Herald-Mage.  When Vanyel attempted to take his own life, she cared for him.  I have no doubt that without her he would have died merely because he did not wish to live.  And she was the one to bring him here."

"I heard her called a Wingsister…." Sandoval began.

"It is an honorary title of sorts, denoting that she has been recognized as a member of Clan K'Treva and is considered as such.  Just as Vanyel and yourself," Sunlark explained.  "I expect you can see why hearing she is ill would affect Vanyel so."

Sandoval nodded, waiting for Sunlark to continue.

"He needs you," Sunlark said simply.  "He needs someone to help him through this."

"I will do so—as much as I can…."

"I have no doubt you will," Sunlark answered.  He studied Sandoval closely.  The man was clearly upset and worried at Vanyel's situation.  It was all too obvious how much he cared for the Herald.  One would have to be blind to miss how close they had become this past year.  And it had been good for both of them.  They had both needed someone to trust, someone to share their thoughts with, someone to love….  But, he had asked for a reason, and it comforted him to hear Sandoval's answer.  "I thought you might wish to talk with the Herald who came to deliver the message.  She can tell you what the situation is."

"Of course."  Sandoval nodded, rising.  "Shall we…?"

***

Lili paused, taking a moment to appreciate the view surrounding her.  She couldn't get over how beautiful the Pelagris Forest was, now that she'd gotten used to it.  There was no doubt that it was different than anywhere she'd ever been.  The whole forest seemed slightly foreboding and uneasy.  Though whether because of the tainted energies that ran through it or because of the number of horrid creatures it often housed, she did not know.  Even then, it was spectacular.  Huge, broad trees; small, gentle streams; exotic creatures of the likes she had never seen.  And now with snow on the ground….

"Lili?  Do you intend to come up?" a voice high in a nearby tree called down to her in a mixture of English and Tayledras.

"Just admiring the scenery," she called back, making her way to a ladder coming from the tree's branches.  When she reached the _ekele_ at the top, she was immediately wrapped tightly in a blanket.

"It is cold," the voice said softly.  Lili closed her eyes, allowing herself to be guided further into the treetop room.  "Here, sit and be warm."  Sitting down on a pile of pillows, she opened her eyes.  The source of the voice had moved off across the room.  He was busy preparing something and all she could see was his long, silver hair.  Odd for a scout, she'd been told, most wore their hair short and dyed dark.  Instead, on duty she knew he braided it in a single plait, dark rags worked in to cover the silver.  A few moments later, he turned, brining her a warm cup of tea.

"Thank you, Silverstone," she said, taking it from him.  He took such good care of her.  When she had joined the scouts in their rounds, he had taken it upon himself to help teach her and show her the ropes.  Between Sundance and Silverstone she'd caught on quickly.  The scouts had easily accepted her as one of their own and she could almost keep up with them—almost.  Her Marine pride wouldn't have let her admit any fault or lack of ability before.  But now, these Tayledras scouts had put her through a training more intense than anything she'd done in the Marines.  And in doing so, they'd taught her weakness was not necessarily a fault, so long as it was noted and constantly improved upon.  Besides, they'd been doing this their entire lives!

"How were your rounds today?" Silverstone asked, sitting down beside her.

"Cold," she laughed.  "But otherwise quiet.  No sign of the _wyrsa_ pack the others spotted."

"Good."  He laid back on the pillows, making himself comfortable.  "I would not want you running into them—not without someone more versed in handling them."

At one time, Lili would have been offended.  But staying here had seemed to have a mellowing effect.  Unlike the Marines or her job, she didn't have to fight for her position.  The others recognized and acknowledged her skills and did not ask for her to prove herself to them.  She smiled instead, knowing Silverstone only spoke the truth.  She was not prepared to handle the vicious dog -like _wyrsa_ and such an encounter would probably have a very negative outcome.  "That's what Sundance said.  She wants to pair me with an older, more experienced scout until the pack's taken care of or moves on."

"A wise decision.  Who does she have in mind?"

Lili leaned back into the pillows, studying him.  While she had heard others refer to him as plain, she couldn't agree.  Plain by their standards perhaps, but not by hers.  His flowing, silver hair and dark, sun browned skin made him more than beautiful—striking.  And his clear, grey eyes.  She couldn't look at him without getting lost in them.  "Actually, if you didn't mind, I thought I could join you in your rounds.  I'm certain Sundance won't care."

"I would love to have you accompany me," he replied.  A comfortable silence fell over the room.  After some time, Silverstone sat up, moving closer to her.  He reached out, brushing her cheek gently.  Lili closed her eyes, relaxing into his touch  Some part of her found this amusing.  She'd tried so hard to find someone to care about her on Earth and now….  "I have a gift for you, if you'll accept it," he said softly, pulling a feather out of a pouch at his waist.  "I love you, Lili.  I would be honored if you would stay here with me tonight…."

Very slowly, Lili took the feather from his hands.  Silverstone smiled, leaning forward and gently kissing her….

***

"Sandoval, may I introduce Morgianne, a Herald of Valdemar," Sunlark said, motioning to the young woman in Whites before him.

Sandoval nodded politely.  "Pleased to meet you," he said hesitantly.  While he knew quite a bit of Vanyel's language—having insisted on learning it in addition to Tayledras—it was still a strange tongue.

Sunlark glanced at him, catching his eye.  "One of the others can supplement the language for you, if you wish."

Scoffing, Sandoval shook his head.  He could still vividly remember the pounding headache that Starwind had caused by taking his language from him the day they arrived.  Since, he'd insisted on learning languages the old fashioned way—through memorization and practice—rather than let a Tayledras 'put' it in his head.

Sunlark laughed, obviously realizing exactly what Sandoval was thinking.  "You know, it doesn't hurt near as much the second time…."

"I'm fine," Sandoval insisted.

"Then I will leave you two…."  Sunlark turned quickly and left.

Sandoval sighed, finding a soft patch of grass to sit down on.  Ignoring the Herald, he studied the scenery around him.  It was one of his favorite clearings.  The grass was a rich emerald green, surrounded on all sides by trees.  A small, rocky stream ran along one side, just peeking out of the forest.  Best of all it was secluded, unable to be seen from the path.  No doubt Sunlark had taken in mind when he'd arranged for them to talk here.

Pulling his mind from the beauty around him, he let his eyes fall on the Herald.  She stood several feet away, studying him in return.  He flinched at the unease and curiosity in her eyes.  He didn't need his Gifts to know her question.  Uncomfortable, he waited for her to speak first.

"So you're Vanyel's…friend?" she asked hesitantly.

"Yes," he answered simply.

She nodded.  "I'd heard stories at the Collegium that he was _shaych_, but I hadn't really believed them.  Guess they were true."  Morgianne shrugged, brushing the topic aside, but took a step away from him.

Sandoval pretended not to notice.  A year ago, he probably would have reacted in the same manner.  "You are a long way from home, Herald," he commented, changing the subject.

Relaxing visibly, Moriganne smiled.  "Not really.  My circuit is only a couple day's ride from here.  I would have had to come nearly this far anyways.  I just wish I didn't have to deliver such a message."

"How sick is Savil?" he asked, worried at what the answer could be.  If she were in danger of dying…it would be a devastating blow to Vanyel.  After all they'd been through together, he was close to his aunt.  She had saved him from himself, bringing him here to k'Treva to be trained as a mage.  She knew the demands of a Herald-Mage and, therefore, he could discuss with her things others would not understand.  And she was one of the few people he could share his memories of Tylendel with.

"None of the Healers feel it is life threatening."

"What?!" Sandoval interrupted.  "Not life threatening?"

Morgianne shook her head.  "No.  I wish I had been able to tell Vanyel that, but…."

"It's not your fault," Sandoval said, laughing lightly.  "I'm afraid everyone just thought the worst—including myself.  Go on."

"She is sick, yes, and Andrel feels it will take quite some time before she is completely recovered.  He wants her in bed, resting.  But she insists on continuing to attend to her duties.  It is driving the Healers mad.  Andrel hoped Vanyel would be able to talk some sense into her and perhaps take her pupils on for some time."

"That is good to hear."  Sandoval forced his laughter under control.  "It will relieve much of Vanyel's worry.  I am sorry that everyone jumped to the wrong conclusion."

"You'll tell them then?  I really need to get back to my circuit."

"Certainly, but I would not suggest that you leave today.  It will be getting dark shortly and the scouts have been having trouble with a pack of wyrsa.  Morning would be a better time to leave.  I can arrange for the scouts to see you to the edge of k'Treva territory."

"Thank you, I appreciate it," she sighed, relieved.

"No problem."  Standing, he glanced around for Serous.  The falcon sat perched in a nearby tree, preening himself.  Sandoval whistled sharply, extending his arm to the bird.  A few second later, Serous alighted there.

:_Serous hungry.  Dark One feed now_,: he demanded the moment he had landed.

:_Soon, my friend_,: Sandoval replied.  :_First we must take care of this nice woman, then I will find you something to eat while I talk to Vanyel_.:

***

Sandoval paced the length of the clearing.  Reaching one end, he stopped, looking back over the area.  It wasn't large by any means, nor was it one of the more impressive the Vale had to offer.  But he'd been told it was perfect for Gating.  Sheltered by trees, it was private and protected—though whether that was so no one disturbed them or so they didn't disturb others, he did not know.  Against one side of the clearing was a sheer rock face.  A shallow cave had been dug into the side to provide a framework upon which to build the Gate.  Most importantly, it was as far away from the Heartstone as one could get and still remain inside the Vale.  Important, he was told, because Gates stressed the lay of energy in the area around them.  Something the Tayledras preferred to keep their center node protected from.

Sighing, Sandoval began to pace once more.  He was not looking forward to this.  Gating had not been in his training, mainly because Moondance and the others doubted he would ever have enough control over the energy lines to master it.  Yet he had learned much merely by observing the others in the Vale.

He could not deny that Gates were convenient—allowing instantaneous travel between two places, much like interdimensional travel.  However a Gate required the creator to know much more about his destination; one could not travel somewhere they did not know.  And Gates were built using the personal energies of their creator.  That was one of the things that worried him.  Vanyel was still weak from his shock several days ago, Sandoval worried he would be unable to hold out against his own Gate.  Not to mention that, from the stories he'd heard, Gating was hard on Vanyel to begin with….

A twig snapped behind him and Sandoval jumped, turning defensively.

"I am sorry, I did not mean to startle you," Da'an said softly, tilting his head and blushing.

Sandoval exhaled sharply, even after all this time he was still jumpy.  No matter how much he tried, he'd always have some Protector in him.  "That's all right, Da'an.  I was lost in thought.  Is Yfandes not with you?"

"No," he replied, accenting his words with delicate hand gestures.  "She went to find Vanyel."

"Then, please, sit.  It has been some time since we have spoken."  Sandoval motioned to a soft patch of grass.  Da'an nodded and sat down, Sandoval doing the same.

Rearranging the folds of his midnight blue robe, Sandoval studied the Taelon closely.  He could not help but still be wary in the Companion's presence.  After what Da'an's race had done to him, he would be stupid not to distrust them.  But this past year, he had learned much from Da'an.  The Taelon was different than he had originally thought.  Perhaps it was because he was no longer blinded by his CVI or due to his Gifts of Mindspeech and Empathy, but he could clearly tell that Da'an disagreed with his kind's treatment of humans.

In some ways, he felt sorry for Da'an.  The Taelon had made very few friends here and spent most of his time with Yfandes.  He had become a proficient mage, but had not chosen to join the other mages of k'Treva in practicing his Gift.

"I hope you have been well," Sandoval said.  "We have not seen each other lately."

"Well enough.  You have been busy, I did not wish to disturb you."

Sandoval smiled.  "Moondance and the others see that I have little free time.  Perhaps in Haven there will be more of it."  He paused.  "Vanyel told me Yfandes had asked you to come with us…" he started, hopefully.  Even with all the things Da'an had done to him, he still thought of the Companion as a friend—one it would be hard to be separated from.

"And I have agreed.  There is little reason for me to stay."

"Sandoval!  Da'an!  Good, you're still here!" Lili yelled, running up to the two of them.  "I worried that I would be too late to say goodbye."

"You're not coming?" Sandoval asked, his eyes falling on the feather braided into her hair as he spoke.  He scoffed to himself, of course she wasn't coming, not if she was wearing a feather.

She shook her head.  "No, I…well…" she stuttered, fingering the feather in her hair.  Lili let her eyes fall to the delicate snow white one that was plaited tightly into Sandoval's hair.  Vanyel had patiently braided it there this morning, ignoring the fact that his hair was still not quite long enough to hold one.

"Silverstone finally offered you a feather?" Sandoval finished for her.

Lili's mouth gaped open in surprise.  "How did you know it was Silverstone?  We haven't told anyone yet."

"Moondance is unequaled when it comes to spreading gossip," he shrugged.  "I am happy for you, Lili."

"You know," she studied him, "I never thought I'd hear that from you, Sandoval.  Thank you.  I wish you and Vanyel both the best."

Sandoval nodded politely.  Lili with a feather…so many things had changed.  The mere thought of it made his mind reel.

A sharp bird cry rang from a nearby tree, interrupting their conversation.  Second later, Serous burst from the leaves, alighting on Sandoval's shoulder.  :_Vanyel come.  Other with him_.:

Sandoval glanced at the falcon.  Someone with Vanyel?  What did he mean.  It couldn't be Yfandes; Serous hardly paid the Companion any attention unless she was threatening him.  Closing his eyes he reached out to Vanyel with his mind.  _:_Ke'chara_?:_ he asked, projecting all of his questions in that one word.  While Vanyel was not as proficient in MindSpeech as he was, he felt his friend would be able to understand what he wanted.

Their link was silent for a few minutes, and Sandoval waited patiently for Vanyel to respond.  He could feel the presence that was Vanyel on the edge of his mind, as tangible as if they were standing side by side.  With only slightly more concentration, he knew he could push past Vanyel's shields into his mind, finding the information he wanted himself.  But the Tayeldras had taught him well.  To enter into another's mind without permission was the greatest of wrongs.

:_Sunlark, my friend.  He insists on coming with us_.:

Sandoval nodded, leaving it at that.  There was no questioning Sunlark.  Once the _kestra'chern_ had made up his mind, there was little changing it.  Opening his eyes, he caught sight of Vanyel, Yfandes, and Sunlark as they entered the clearing.  Without a word, he started towards the shallow cave.

***

Vanyel took a deep breath, facing the cave.  He was so tired.  The shock of the past couple days was only beginning to wear off.  He had overreacted, he realized that now.  After listening to Sandoval explain the confusion, he knew that there had been little for him to worry about.  Savil would be fine.  Andrel only wanted him to take over her duties.  She carried much at Haven, and she did not need such worries while she was ill.  He had taken the past couple days to consider what would have happened if she truly had been life threateningly ill.  She meant so much to him….

:_Do you intend to Gate today?  Or would you like to wait until tomorrow_?: Yfandes snapped sarcastically in his head.

He smiled, clearing everything from his mind.  Visualizing the Grove Temple, he focused drawing on the energy within himself.  With his Othersight, he could see small threads of energy forming along the edges of the cave.  They stretched towards the center of the opening, intertwining and joining together to form one mass.  Suddenly, they flared, so bright that they nearly blinded him.  Vanyel braced himself as the energy pulled against his will.  He tried not to remember the last time his Gate had gone awry—when he'd pulled Lili, Da'an, and Sandoval from their world.  Ignoring the pain that was beginning to spread through his mind, he willed the Gate into place.  Seconds later, the group was through.

***


	3. Chapter 3

Liam leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes.  It had been a long day.  Zo'or had insisted that Liam accompany the Synod representatives as they visited several joint human and Taelon facilities.  He rubbed his temples, trying to get rid of a pounding headache.  Sighing, he stopped.  It was useless; he should know that by now.  Belman had implanted him nearly a month ago and not a day went by that he didn't have a headache.  He had complained to her, but even after a barrage of tests, she'd been unable to find anything wrong.

A clap of thunder broke him from his thoughts.  Dark clouds had blown in, blocking the sun.  Rain had begun to fall and was collecting on the balcony.  Liam glanced around the office.  It was the same office Sandoval had occupied before he disappeared, and it was just as sparse as he had kept it.  Liam shook his head.  It wasn't as if he had any personal items to add to the room—no family photos, no awards, no mementos.  The stark Taelon-human décor seemed all too appropriate.

"Mr. Kincaid?"

Liam spun at the voice.  One of the numerous Embassy security officers stood at the door.  He could have easily searched personnel records with his CVI and found the man's name, but he didn't bother.  It truly didn't matter.  "Yes."

"One of the ID monitoring stations has reported a fairly major anomaly.  They would like you to take a look at it," the man said.

Picking up his jacket from the arm of the chair, he nodded.  "Tell them I'll be there shortly."

***

Cold rain soaked Liam's clothing.  He shivered, pulling his coat more tightly around him though it didn't make much difference.  The main ID technician walked a few paces in front of him.  The man stopped, turning his face to the cloud darkened sky.

"Quite a storm we're gettin' tonight?" he commented with a thick Midwestern drawl.  "A strange signal started comin' in about an hour ago and it's just been steadily gettin' worse.  Not really a…rift in ID, just…broken up.  Kinda fuzzy.  Didn't know quite what to do about it.  Called the Embassy and figured they'd know what to do."  He looked at Liam.  "Since it looks like we're gonna be trompin' around in the rain for a while, I suppose I should introduce myself.  Bud Kinsey."

"Major Liam Kincaid."  Liam smiled, reaching out to shake Bud's hand.

"As I was sayin', Sir…" he started again.

"Just Liam."

Bud nodded.  "As I was sayin', Liam, it was unexpected.  ID space is usually fairly smooth.  But then it started breakin' up like.  Never seen anything like it—at least not on my shift.  They tell me about a year ago one of them other stations picked up a similar signal, but it disappeared about as quickly as it came."  He shrugged.  "Strange things happen, I suppose; 'specially around these Companions."

Liam laughed.  "Unfortunately, you're right."

"Yep.  I remember hearin' from one of my friends back home about one of those new Taelon enhanced crops.  Darn wheat was ready for harvest one whole month early.  Really threw his neighbors.  Here he was haulin' it in to the co-op long before they were.  He made a killin' that year, jumpin' on the market like that.  And they'd laughed at him for gamblin' his farm in that crop program.  Now he's better off than the lot of 'em."  He pulled a sampling device from his coat.  "Here it is."

Coming to stand next to him, Liam glanced around. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.  They were standing in a clearing about twenty miles outside of DC along the outskirts of a suburb.  The lights of the city lit the horizon.  Bolts of lightning streaked across the sky, illuminating scraggly trees and the remains of a brick building that had obviously burnt and no one had bothered to tear down.

"See, look at these readings.  Somethin's not right."  Bud held the device out towards him.

Liam hardly even looked at it as something caught his eye near the building ruins.  Not quite movement….  He turned around, studying the area.  There it was again—a light in the still standing doorway of the building.  He searched the sky, looking for any gaps in the clouds that could let enough evening sunlight through to cause such an illusion.  Nothing.  Looking back to the debris, he noticed the light was no longer a passing occurrence.  It was a steady, white light, filling the door—pulsating.

"What in heavens is _that_?" Bud asked

"Wish I knew."  Liam shook his head.

A violent clap of thunder shook the earth and the light from the door…exploded outwards.

***

Sandoval cringed at a sickening feeling of falling.  He knew exactly how much building this Gate had cost Vanyel; he was the one person the mage couldn't hide his feelings of worry and exhaustion from.  Sandoval longed to reach out to him and ask what was wrong, but he knew the last thing Vanyel needed was such a distraction.

Suddenly, a scene opened up in front of him.  Not the place Vanyel had described to him—the Temple Grove with its lush, green meadows and grey, stone memorial temple.  But a dark area of sparse, weedy vegetation and harsh, bright artificial lights.  Rain poured from the sky, plastering his light robe to his skin.  Sandoval paused.  Artificial lights?  Not the comforting glow of magelights, but the harsh beams of artificial lights.  He spun around, disoriented, and caught sight of the city on the horizon.  It was unmistakably DC.

"Raven?" Vanyel asked quietly.

Sandoval turned to find Vanyel leaving heavily on Sunlark's shoulder.  He rushed to their sides, helping the kestra'chern support Vanyel's form.  "Please tell me you know where we are," Vanyel continued.

"Close to home."  Sandoval nodded.  "Close to _my_ home."

Vanyel looked back to the doorway they'd just come through.  "I am never Gating again."

"Now is not the time to discuss it," Sandoval reprimanded him.  He tilted his head and studied Vanyel closely, with the training of a Healer that Moondance had patiently drilled into him.  "Right now, we need to get you out of this weather and into a warm, dry bed.  You're going to have a serious case of backlash."

"Ah, my friends…." Sunlark started hesitantly.  He motioned off to the right.  "We have company."

Sandoval looked up.  Da'an was standing about ten feet away, face to face with two other people—one of which he recognized.  Liam.

***

Liam stared at the Taelon before him.  "Da'an?" he stuttered, hardly believing his eyes.

"Quite a surprise, Major," Da'an said softly, tilting his head and blushing.

"Da'an?!" Bud asked, looking wide eyed at Liam.  He turned to face Da'an immediately, clumsily offering a Taelon salute.  "I thought you were dead."

"We all thought you were dead.  Where…where…"  Liam shook his head, giving up.  The words just weren't there.  So many questions, but….  "Where the hell have you been?!"

"It's a long story."

"Sandoval?"  Liam glanced up from Da'an.  Sandoval was approaching slowly.  He was dressed in a loose, midnight blue robe accented in stark black and white.  Rain had drenched the garment, making it cling to him.  A small falcon huddled against his shoulder.  His hair was longer than it had been, with a feather braided in at one temple.  Liam blinked.  Sandoval?  Surely not.

Two other people approached with him.  One was tall and dark with long, black hair.  The other was shorter, near Sandoval's height, with silver hair falling slightly below his shoulders.  Both were dressed in a similar manner to Sandoval.

"Damn.  Whole Taelon convention," Bud laughed sarcastically.

Liam nodded.  Things were beginning to get more than a little confusing.  Da'an, Sandoval….  Suddenly, he jumped.  Lili.  Lili had been with them when they had disappeared.  "Lili?  What happened to Lili?"

"She didn't come with us," Sandoval said.

"What do you mean she didn't come with you?!"

Sandoval sighed.  "She didn't want to leave.  She….  It's a long story, Liam.  Do you think it can wait until we get out of the rain?"

Liam shrugged, unsatisfied.  He met Sandoval's eyes.  Could he detect a hint of weariness?  It wasn't like Sandoval to let on that he suffered from any weakness.

"Please, Liam, all your questions will be answered as soon as there is a chance to do so," Sandoval continued, this time visibly tired.

This couldn't be the Sandoval he knew.  Getting a grip on himself, he nodded.  "Of course.  We won't all fit in the shuttle."

"Well, y'all are in luck," Bud interjected.  "We installed a portal in the monitoring station a couple weeks ago.  Just short term, mind ya, for the purpose of transporting some equipment outta the Embassy.  ID's gonna take over commercial truckin', just you wait an' see.  But it'll take you right to the Embassy.  The station's not far that way."

"Then let's go."  Liam headed off in the direction Bud pointed.  "Before we get any wetter."

"Yfandes?  Where's 'Fandes?" the silver haired man asked, in a panic, resisting being guided after Liam.

Liam watched as Sandoval tried to calm him.  "Shhh…she's not far."  Sandoval looked up, scanning the area.  His movement were calm and controlled, but his eyes betrayed his concern.  Something white flashed through the rain near one of the trees in the clearing.  Seconds later a pure white horse stood at Sandoval's side, bumping the man he was supporting with its nose.  The silver haired man relaxed.

The dark haired man looked to Liam.  "Now, we can go."

Bud started off again.  "I'm just not gonna ask.  Sometimes it's best not ta know.  Reminds me of the time when…."

***

"How are you feeling?" Sandoval asked in Tayledras, kneeling beside the couch Vanyel was laying on.

"Tired.  And sore."

"I would expect so, considering the energy you channeled through that Gate."  He picked up a cloth from a bowl of water at his feet and wrung it out.  Vanyel flinched as Sandoval placed it on his forehead.  "You just need some rest."  He brushed several loose strands of hair from Vanyel's face.  "If you'll let me, I can help you sleep."

Vanyel shook his head, grimacing in pain.  "No."

Nodding, Sandoval tucked the blanket tighter around Vanyel's form. He'd been lucky it was still here.  Though it was obvious Liam had been using the office, little had changed since it had been his.  The Major had left the couch untouched, along with the heavy blanket that had been draped over the back.  "Are you still cold?" he asked softly.

"A little."  Vanyel closed his eyes.

Sandoval sighed, placing a hand on the mage's shoulder.  Vanyel did not look good.  He was ghastly pale and exhausted.  Sandoval had been lending him energy, helping him replace what he had lost in the Gate.  But when they'd gotten to the Embassy, Vanyel had refused any more help.  And while Sandoval had managed to remove the wettest of Vanyel's clothing and wrap him in a blanket, he still shivered violently.

"You're dripping water everywhere," Vanyel said some time later, opening his eyes.

Sandoval laughed slightly.  "I did not even realize it."

"That's okay," Vanyel studied him closely.  "I think the drenched look is quite flattering."

"Then perhaps I will have to take walks in the rain more often."  A hurt look passed across Vanyel's face.  "Something is bothering you besides your backlash.  Tell me," Sandoval prodded him, worried.

"You, _ke'chara_."

"I don't understand."

Vanyel averted his eyes, a tear rolling down his cheek.  Very gently, Sandoval wiped it away.  He opened his mind, reaching out towards Vanyel's.  A wall of shields met him.

"I do not want to lose you," Vanyel explained.

"How would you lose me?"  Sandoval studied the shields, finding a weak point.  They'd played this game often; Vanyel challenging him to break through his mental shields.  Over time, he'd gotten fairly good.  But this time it wasn't a game.  Pushing lightly, Sandoval began to crumble the barriers.  Vanyel didn't resist.

"This is your world, my Raven.  I fear you will want to return to how you were.  You said once that my kind is not accepted here.  That _shay'a'chern_ have no place."

The shields fell and Sandoval took a sharp breath as he was flooded with pain—physical and mental.  He focused, forcing it through his body and away from Vanyel.  As the pain receeded, he felt a nagging at the edge of his mind.  Vanyel's words….  He pushed the thought to one side; it could be dealt with later.  Right now, he needed to calm Vanyel.  "Shhh…I would never leave you.  Vanyel, this world has done little more than hurt me.  Deedee was my only joy, and even if I managed to find her, she would never accept me back into her life.  I couldn't ask her to—not after what I've done to destroy her life.  I love you, _shaydra_, and coming back here does not change that.  I ruined my life once because of what other people thought; I won't do it again."

"If you wish, we can hide it—pretend that we are not a couple.  I would understand."

Through their link, Sandoval could feel him tense.  "No," he said simply.

"It would be easier for you," Vanyel added.

"It would not be easier," he said.  "Being apart from you would be worse than anything this world could do to me."

Vanyel sighed, beginning to relax.  "Thank you."

"You need not have worried," Sandoval assured him.  "Now, get some sleep."

***

"How is he?"

Liam looked up as the man who had introduced himself as Sunlark spoke.  Sandoval had come into the room.  He sighed mentally, perhaps now he'd get some answers.  While he had been sitting here with Sunlark, waiting for Sandoval to rejoin them, he'd attempted to force the other man to start explaining.  But Sunlark had refused, doing no more than introducing all the members of the party.

Liam shook his head as Sandoval answered Sunlark in a language he didn't understand.

Sunlark raised a hand, stopping him.  "In English, my friend.  I have a decent command of the language and," Liam jumped as Sunlark motioned in his direction, "it will make him more comfortable."

Nodding, Sandoval apologized.

"No reason to be sorry.  It has been sometime since you have used your native tongue, I am certain.  But now, I feel it is appropriate.  We all know enough to communicate effectively.  It will serve as a common ground."  Sunlark dismissed the topic.  "Now, what were you saying about Vanyel?"

Remembering Sunlark's introductions, Liam placed a face with the name.  The silver haired man.  That was Vanyel.  

"He worries me," Sandoval answered.

"How so?"

"When we first arrived, he did not know Yfandes.  I do not even think he realized she was near."  Sitting down in one of the empty chairs, Sandoval joined them around the meeting table.  The horse, Liam reminded himself.  Yfandes was the…horse.

"I would not worry too much about Vanyel.  He was disoriented by the backlash, nothing more."

Liam glanced to Sandoval.  The man before him hardly resembled the person he remembered.  Sandoval had been proud and arrogant, he had cared nothing for others.

"Perhaps," Sandoval said, breaking Liam from his thoughts.

"Will _you_ be alright?" Sunlark asked, concerned.

"I'm just tired."

"No doubt.  You used much of your personal energy to support Vanyel."  Sunlark rose, going to stand behind Sandoval.  Very gently, he began to massage his shoulders.  Sandoval closed his eyes, leaning back into Sunlark's touch.  "Just don't go to sleep," Sunlark warned.  "You promised to answer all his questions."

"And I have plenty," Liam assured them.  Finally, someone was going to explain.

"Where would you like to start?" Sandoval asked.

"The beginning."

Liam stood at the virtual glass window, looking out over the gardens.  Dawn was just beginning to break, all traces of yesterday evening's storm gone, pale pink light hanging over everything.  They'd talked all night.  It hadn't surprised him.  Anything to explain why they had disappeared then miraculously show up again was bound to take a while to relate.

He shook his head; it was impossible.  Sandoval had explained about Gates and how one Vanyel created pulled them into his world.  Still, it was impossible.  He flinched as memories of Maiya and Jason flooded his mind.  Perhaps not impossible.  Improbable, but not impossible.

Sandoval had done a nice job of explaining, he had to give the man that.  Liam glanced at him from the corner of his eye.  Both of them were asleep, curled up in their chairs.  He couldn't help but feel that Sandoval had left something out of his story.  He'd told of how they couldn't get back.  He'd explained exactly who and what Vanyel, Sunlark, and Yfandes were.  He'd then given an overview of the world's concept of energy and how they harnessed it.  Finally, he'd told about Lili, how Lili had fallen in love and chosen to stay behind.  Little did she know that they would end up back home.  Still, something seemed missing.  There had been times Sandoval hesitated, as if wondering how much he should say.  More often than not, it happened when he mentioned Vanyel.  Then, when he'd spoken of the energies—Mage Gift, he called it—he'd stopped for quite some time, uncertain as whether to go on.  Liam sighed, what could Sandoval be hiding?

He reached up, rubbing his temples.  His headache had gotten worse, much worse.  And now he was going to have to explain all this to Zo'or….  In the garden below, he could see Da'an sitting on a bench to one side.  Next to him, the horse lay down on a patch of grass.  Sandoval had said she was more than a horse—a Companion.  The sight of Da'an calmed him.  Surely everything would be alright now.  With Da'an back, Zo'or couldn't expect his continued service.  He would return to Da'an, Sandoval to Zo'or.  Things could finally return to normal.  Da'an looked up, fixing Liam in his gaze.  Liam met his eyes.  It was almost as if Da'an knew….  Forcing the thought from his mind, he turned from the window.

"Da'an and 'Fandes in the garden?" Sandoval asked, yawning and stretching.

Liam nodded.  An awkward silence descended over the room.

Sandoval didn't seem to notice.  He raised his right arm, whistling sharply.  A brown-feathered mass in one corner of the room suddenly perked up, taking the form of a falcon.  The same that had been perched on Sandoval's shoulder when they appeared.  The bird took to the air, alighting on Sandoval's arm, its talons digging into a thick leather gauntlet there for exactly that purpose.  The bird screeched, flapping its wings once more before settling.

"Shhh…" Sandoval chided him.  "You'll wake Sunlark."  He reached up, scratching the falcon's neck feathers.  Turning to Liam, he smiled.  "There is one which I did not introduce you to last night.  This is Serous."

The bird was larger than a normal falcon.  Its dark brown and black feathers shone in the light.  A majority of those feathers were tipped in white.  Liam let his eyes linger on the bird's sharp beak and talons.

Something caught his attention.  A flash of bare skin at Sandoval's wrist.  That wasn't right….

Sandoval followed his gaze.  "I wondered when you were going to notice."

"What happened?"  Sandoval without his skrill?!  That was something he thought he would never see.  The skrill represented his position with the Taelons, the power he had been given.  Sandoval would rather die than give that up.

"It's fine," Sandoval replied.  "Just has another host."  He shrugged, dismissing the topic.

Liam wasn't ready to let it drop.  For Sandoval not to have a skrill….  Something had definitely happened while they were gone.  "How did you lose it?"

Sandoval turned away from him, focusing his attention back on Serous.  "I didn't lose it; I had it removed."

Removed?  It made no sense.  Sandoval _prided_ himself on his work serving the Taelons, protecting them.  He'd had his skrill removed?  How had he intended to protect Da'an?  Anger flooded Liam's being, focusing itself on Sandoval's form.  Sandoval had endangered Da'an!  "And how did you intend to protect Da'an?  You swore to protect the Taelons!"

"Da'an was in no danger.  You…you…"  Sandoval stopped.

"How do you know?"  This time Liam yelled.  He tried to check the unbridled anger that drove his words, but it was useless.  Blinding white pain ripped through his mind as he futilely fought against the fury.  Grabbing the side of the desk, he steadied himself.  There was no use fighting; it was stronger than he.  "I suppose you had your CVI removed too."

Sandoval flinched, turning to face Liam.  "Yes," he said simply, "I did."  It was obvious that Sandoval was fighting as much an internal battle as he was.  Sandoval hesitated.  "You cannot know," he snapped finally.  "You cannot know what it is like.  To have them control your every thought, every action.  They used me.  I was nothing to them.  Nothing."

Liam watched as Sandoval turned and walked into the office where Vanyel was still sleeping.

***


	4. Chapter 4

Zo'or paced the length of the Mothership's audience chamber.  He hadn't slept well.  Da'an had plagued him all night, disturbing his dreams.  Not a moment passed that he didn't think of the North American Companion.  With the images, there was a presence.  It assaulted his mind—reaching, searching, trying to connect with the Commonality.  It couldn't be Da'an.  Da'an had been missing for a year.  He'd been separated from the Commonality.  There was no way he could still be alive.

"Zo'or?"

He turned as Liam entered the room.  "Yes?" he sneered in the Major's direction.  He didn't need anymore problems at the moment.

"A very strange course of events has taken place…."

***

"How are you doing?" Sandoval asked, sitting down beside Vanyel.

Vanyel opened his eyes at the voice.  "Fine," he assured him.  Truthfully, he felt like he'd taken on a pack of _wyrsa_ by himself.  His head pounded and his body ached.  But there was little reason to worry Sandoval with that.

"Right," Sandoval replied sarcastically.  "You look a little better than yesterday."

Nodding, Vanyel smiled at him.  He should have known he couldn't fool Sandoval.  "I feel better than yesterday.  What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Sandoval said shortly.

Silently, Vanyel cursed himself.  He shouldn't have asked.  It was obvious something was wrong, Sandoval was pale and his eyes betrayed his pain.  But he knew better than to push it.  With his question, Sandoval had pulled back into himself, hiding the pain inside.  Sandoval was too much like him, and he knew exactly what keeping his suffering to himself had cost him.  He couldn't let Sandoval do the same.  "Tell me."  Vanyel reached out, taking Sandoval's hand in support.

Sandoval looked up, meeting his eyes.  Vanyel forced himself not to look away.  The pain in them was almost too much to bear; Sandoval's hurt was his own, and this overwhelmed his friend.  A familiar presence surrounded his mind.  Vanyel relaxed, dropping his shields.  The presence washed over his mind—warm, gentle waves surrounding his consciousness.  A current tugged at his being and Vanyel allowed himself to be engulfed by it, drawn steadily deeper into the turmoil.

He hadn't a clue how much time had passed when Sandoval finally released him.  It truly didn't matter.  Without a word, Vanyel forced himself to sit up, ignoring the protest of his bruised muscles, and pulled Sandoval to him.  "It's okay, my raven," he whispered.  He reached up, stroking Sandoval's hair.  His fingers lingered over the feather braided into the soft, black locks.  The plait was starting to come undone, stray pieces of hair working themselves out of place.  He smoothed several of them back into order, then let his hand continue on, dropping and tracking the line of Sandoval's jaw.  "_Ke'chara_…." he started, then stopped.  He hadn't considered how this would affect Sandoval. Foolishly, he had thought the man would be pleased to return.  He'd forgotten how much pain this world had caused.  And being once again in the midst of what had hurt him was only making things worse.  Every time he turned around he was reminded of what he had been…what he had done.

A tear streaked down Sandoval's cheek.  Vanyel let his eyes follow it.  Light glistened off the wet trail it left on Sandoval's face.  He didn't bother to wipe it away.  While he wasn't a _kestra'chern_, he knew from personal experience that Sandoval needed to cry.  Stopping the tears would only encourage him to draw back within himself….

"I'm sorry," Sandoval apologized, choking back his tears.  He turned his head, pulling away.

"Don't be," Vanyel assured him.  Firmly, but gently, he placed his hands on Sandoval's shoulders, holding him where he was.  "Don't ever be sorry for what they have done to you."

Sandoval smiled slightly—a forced, melancholy smile.  "Thank you."

Vanyel flinched; Sandoval was brushing him off avoiding the subject.  He resisted the urge to inquire further into the matter.  That would most likely require Sunlark.

"You look better," Sandoval said, changing the subject.

"Wish I could say the same about you, my friend."

***

:_Serous hungry_!:

Sunlark yawned, stretching.  Since Sandoval and Liam had left after their fight, he'd traded the chair he was sleeping in for the floor.  It wasn't the most comfortable place he'd slept before, but it definitely wasn't the worst either.

:_Hungry_!: the falcon screamed again in Mindspeech.

Rolling over to face the bird, Sunlark sighed. Bondbirds could be such a nuisance.  He was happy he had never taken to one.  "I am _not_ your bonded.  Talk to Sandoval."

The falcon chirped agitatedly and bobbed its head.  Sunlark propped himself up on the floor.  Serous probably _was_ hungry.  He had no doubt Sandoval would have fed the bird before they left the Vale, but since then….  There wasn't much for Serous to hunt in this building.  And after studying the surrounding area from the windows, he doubted there was much to stalk out there either.  Perhaps Sandoval had thought to pack some dried meat.  Serous wouldn't like it, but at least it would shut him up.

:_Hungry!  Feed now!  Feed Serous!  Now hungry!  Feed now!  Feed!_:

"I _don't_ have anything to feed you," Sunlark tried to explain.

Serous wasn't listening.  This time he screeched, flapping his wings.  :_Feed!  Feed!  Feed!  Hungry_!:

Standing, Sunlark scoffed.  This bird was worse than some spoiled child throwing a tantrum.

:_Hungry, hungry!  Feed!  Fly!  Feedfeedfeed!_:  Serous started hopping from foot to foot.

Sunlark started towards the falcon.  There was one proven method for dealing with annoying children….  Something moved in the doorway to the room.  Serous saw it as Sunlark did.  The bird's eyes widened, taking on a wild quality.  He took to the air, rushing in the direction of the movement.

Sunlark cursed to himself.  No telling what that feather brained bird had in mind.  No doubt he thought whatever coming into the room was something he could eat.  :Serous,: he commanded via Mindspeech, extending his arm.  :_Here.  Now_.:  The bird seemed to ignore him for a moment, then doubled back.

He landed roughly in full flight, his wings striking Sunlark's face in attempts to stop and keep his balance.  Thick, sharp talons bit into Sunlark's arm, piercing his thin robe as if it were nothing.  "_Sheka_!"  He nearly dropped the bird.  Quickly, he launched Serous towards one of the chairs in the room.  He complied, perching on the back of it.

A very stricken Liam stepped into the room.  Sunlark hardly glanced at him, more concerned with his arm.  Blood was beginning to seep through the thin cloth, staining the light material a vivid scarlet.  Now he remembered what made Bondbirds worse than children—their beaks and talons.  He glared at Serous.

The falcon cocked its head to one side, studying the blood soaked sleeve.  :_Serous sorry_.:

"You had best be sorry," Sunlark warned him.  He turned to Liam.  "Don't mind Serous, he's just hungry."

"Hungry?"

Sunlark nodded.  "He'll behave himself for a bit."  Serous chirped in agreement.  Perhaps the bird wasn't as stupid as he thought, it seemed to realize it could get in serious trouble for this.

"Who will behave?"

Sunlark turned at Sandoval's voice.  Sandoval was coming out of the office, Vanyel leaning on his shoulder.  They stopped, Sandoval's eyes going immediately to Sunlark's bloody arm.  He helped Vanyel to stand on his own, then rushed to Sunlark's side.  "What happened?"

"It is nothing.  Some scratches.  I was clumsy in my handling of Serous; it is my fault," Sunlark explained.  He let his eyes fall on Vanyel.  The mage looked much better.  Though still slightly  pale, he'd started to regain some of his color.  And that he could walk was a good sign, even if he still needed help.  He'd recover…as usual.  Seemed Vanyel had a knack for that, pulling through just about anything.

Sunlark started, broken from his thoughts, as a sharp pain shot up his arm.  Sandoval was rolling up his sleeve, revealing the wounds.  They were deeper than he had expected.  Serous was small for a bondbird, especially a gyrfalcon, and he hadn't stayed perched on his arm for long.  Still, he had done his fair share of damage.  The punctures were ragged, nearly reaching the bone in places.  Sandoval took a soft cloth from a leather pouch at his waist and began to clean the wounds.

"That is not necessary, my friend," Sunlark told him.  "I can bind it myself."

"And so can I, just as easily."  Sandoval motioned towards a nearby chair.

Relaxing, Sunlark let himself be guided towards it.  In truth, he was happy to let Sandoval tend to the matter.  Watching Sandoval wipe away the blood that welled from the cuts had begun to make him dizzy.  There was a reason he was a _kestra'chern_ and not a Healer.  Satisfied with his cleaning, Sandoval placed his hands over the wounds.  Sunlark closed his eyes, feeling energy flow from Sandoval's hands to his arm.  Moments later, Sandoval was wrapping the area with another strip of cloth.

Sunlark smiled, opening his eyes.  Sandoval had come a long way since the first time he had seen him.  Then he had worried the man would never learn to deal with his Gifts—to accept them, to use them….  He was pleased he had been wrong.  "Vanyel, Moondance, and Starwind have taught you well."

"Thank you.  I still have much to learn."

"Less than you realize," Sunlark assured him.  "With your unique combination of Gifts, I think you could master most duties of a _kestra'chern_.  Think about it, please.  I would be happy to instruct you."

"I will consider the offer," Sandoval commented, glancing around the room.  His eyes found Serous' form and he headed over to the bird.  The room fell silent.

"You're Vanyel?" Liam asked finally.

Vanyel nodded.  "I assume they have filled you in on everything that has happened.  Yet I have not had the pleasure of being introduced to you."

Liam smiled good-naturedly.  "Major Liam Kincaid, Companion Protector."

Sunlark did his best not to laugh out loud.  _Companion protector_.  Hell if any Companion he knew needed protection.  And that included Da'an.  He'd seen Da'an and Yfandes out on the practice field.  Separately, they could be a major problem, together…their strength was deadly.  A single mage bolt could change one's world drastically.

Vanyel seemed to share his thoughts.  "I'm afraid I don't know of many Companions that need protection, either of the two or four-legged variety."

"Every Taelon here on Earth has a Protector—to run their Embassy and to coordinate security."  Liam switched terms to avoid 'Companion.'

"That's what Sandoval did, is it not?" Vanyel asked.  Sunlark couldn't miss the look of repulsion that crossed the mage's face at the idea.

"What Sandoval does," Liam corrected him.  "He serves Zo'or."

Sunlark flinched.  This was not good.

"Not any longer," Sandoval interjected before Vanyel had a chance to answer.  He rejoined them, Serous on his arm tearing at a strip of dried meat.

"And who are you to dictate when you will and will not serve the Taelons?"

The feel of the room changed in an instant, Sunlark noted.  One second it had been relaxed and informal, now it was tense and vicious.  A fire smoldered in Liam's eyes, a passion that hadn't been there previously.  And the object of that fervor was clear—Sandoval.  Sandoval had to know, with his strong empathy he had to know.  Sunlark searched his face for any sign of retaliation.  There was none.  It was as if Sandoval didn't notice.

"It is my choice," Sandoval said assuredly.

"You made your choice when you accepted the Taelon's offer."

"Liam, you don't understand…." Sandoval started.

"Don't understand?!" Liam yelled, moving a step closer to Sandoval.  "No, _you_ don't understand.  You don't understand what I've done this past year.  I lost my Companion!  Do you have any clue what that would be like?  I searched for a year to find Da'an, until Zo'or required I come serve him instead.  I took your place on the Mothership.  I was forced to do their dirty work!"  Liam paused.  The silence was heavy, still weighted with Liam's anger.  "I am not going to let you escape this.  You will not be free, Sandoval, not while I am chained here in your place."  Liam turned to walk away, but Sandoval stepped up to block his path.

"The hell I don't understand.  I worked for them for four years.  I know what they're capable of.  They destroyed my life, destroyed who I was.  I've escaped from their grasp and I won't go back to that.  I won't.  I'll die before I serve Zo'or again."

"Sandoval…." Sunlark warned.  Sandoval's demeanor hadn't changed.  Each word was carefully thought out, delivered calmly, rationally.  His face showed nothing but a distant indifference.  But under the surface…Sunlark could feel his anger building.  He wondered if Sandoval had any clue how destructive his anger could be now that he was an Empath.

Vanyel glanced to him and he knew they shared the same concern.  Sunlark built a light mental shield and extended it to include Liam.  Just in case.

"Don't, my raven," Vanyel struggled to rise and went to Sandoval, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"You don't have a choice," Liam snapped.  "I spoke to Zo'or today.  He's pleased that you've returned.  As for your CVI and skrill, they're replaceable. It's a one way ticket, Sandoval, and it has your name on it."

Sunlark flinched as he felt something push against his shields.  Sandoval, no doubt.  He drew them tighter about Liam.

"_Ke'chara_, no," Vanyel whispered.

From where Sunlark was sitting, he saw Vanyel start to go down before anyone else could register it.  "Vanyel?" he asked, concerned.  No answer.  "Vanyel?!"

Sandoval jumped as if waking from a daze.  He knelt immediately at Vanyel's side.

"Come."  Sunlark stood and motioned to Liam.  He went to the far end of the room and waited for the man.  When Liam stopped before him, he scoffed.  "You are lucky Vanyel is good at playing a wounded bird.  Sandoval would have killed you otherwise."

"He doesn't scare me."

"He should."  Sunlark nodded politely, then turned and walked away.

***

"You're certain you're alright?"  Sandoval glanced to Vanyel once more.  His sudden relapse worried him.  He hadn't expected Vanyel to collapse like that.  He should have been paying more attention.

"I'm fine," Vanyel assured him once again.  "But you are not."

"I don't know what you mean," Sandoval protested.

Vanyel frowned, attempting to sit up.  "Being here is hard on you.  They hurt you, _ke'chara_, there is no denying that.  They destroyed your life.  And now they seek to force you back into that existence."

"I won't…."

"I know."

Sandoval shook his head, barely listening.  "I can't go back; I've hurt too many people.  I'd rather die than go through that again."

"You don't have to."  Vanyel nodded towards Liam.  "But he is in the same position you are.  They have hurt him too. Is it fair to hold that against him?"

***


	5. Chapter 5

Sandoval sat, studying Liam from across the room.  The major sat at the desk, his head leaned back against the chair, his eyes half closed.  The room was silent.  Sunlark had taken Vanyel to another room so the mage could rest…Serous was asleep in the corner.

Why did Vanyel always have to be right?  He'd been happy ignoring the fact that Liam had a reason to be angry.  He had escaped the Taelons, Liam hadn't.  The major had a right to resent that.  At least Liam had been spared _some_ of the torture.

"I think I owe you an apology," Sandoval offered at least.  Liam didn't move.  "Are you alright?"

Liam jumped slightly.  "I'm sorry.  What did you say?"

"What's the matter?" Sandoval heard himself ask.  The Tayledras had trained him well.  Before he wouldn't have cared.  But now, even with their disagreement, he couldn't help but ask.

"Just a headache."  Liam grimaced as if even the thought hurt him.

Hesitating, Sandoval sighed.  It was easily taken care of.  But he'd kept his talents to himself for a reason.  After this, Liam would know, others were sure to follow….  He stood and walked to where Liam was, stopping before him.  Very gently, he brushed the major's forehead.  Liam opened his eyes, startled.  "What…?!"

"Shhh…" Sandoval quieted him.  He closed his eyes, centering himself.  Reaching out, he followed the web of pain spread through Liam's mind.  Carefully, he worked his way back to the source….

Sandoval gasped, breaking his connection with Liam.  No.  Surely he was wrong.  "You were implanted?"

Liam nodded.  "Someone had to take over your position."

"I'm sorry," Sandoval apologized.  "I'm so sorry."  He turned quickly, ducking out of the room.

***

All motion stopped as Sandoval walked through the door to the Mothership's bridge.  The entire staff of Volunteers turned to stare at him.  Sandoval closed his eyes for a moment; they had plenty to stare at.  Mostly likely no one had told them of his return—his presence would be enough to surprise them.  Not to mention his appearance.  He glanced down at the iridescent blue-black robe he wore.  He should probably have worn his suit instead….  Nodding curtly, he remembered who ranked above who in this hierarchy.  "Back to work."  There was a second of scrambling and the Volunteers returned to their duties.

Reaching the entrance to Zo'or's private audience chamber, Sandoval stopped.  He had known this was coming.  When Liam had said Zo'or wanted him back, he knew the major had been right.  He had been a good implant.  He'd done anything they wanted without question.  And it all had been his own choice.

He paced the hallway, attempting to collect himself.  After a few deep breaths, he stepped into the audience chamber.

The Companion occupied the single chair in the room, turned away from him.  Sandoval knew that Zo'or had heard him enter the room, but he continued to ignore him.  Patience, he reminded himself.  He was no stranger to the mind games Zo'or used.  And he wasn't about to give in to them.  Zo'or would know his anxiety about the upcoming confrontation, and would want to prolong that as much as possible.

"Ah, Agent Sandoval…."  Zo'or spun to face him.  His eyes lingered on Sandoval's clothing.

Bowing his head, Sandoval gave a 'Taelon Salute.'  "Zo'or, I am pleased to see you once again."

Zo'or tilted his head slightly, as if considering the validity of the statement.  Quickly, Sandoval checked his mental shields.  Even if Zo'or didn't prove as proficient in MindSpeech as Da'an, the most untalented of this planet could feel something he let slip past his shields.  They were intact.

A slight smirk spread across Zo'or's face.  "I'm glad to hear such sentiment from you.  I have arranged for you to return to your post immediately."

"Da'an will be pleased," Sandoval agreed, turning to leave.  "I shall depart for DC at once."

"And what makes you certain that I am returning you to Da'an's service?"

Sandoval stopped, taking a deep breath.  He had known coming in that it would come to this.  Turning, he met Zo'or's eyes.  "I don't work for you anymore, Zo'or.  I never did.  Every order I carried out was against my will.  I will not put myself back into that position."  He took one step towards the Taelon.  :_Don't even try to force me,_: he snapped mentally and walked from the room.

***

The streets of DC pulsed with life.  People dashed here and there, providing the city with a heartbeat all its own.  No other place on earth could match it, as it could never hope to match anywhere else.  Far above the sidewalks, Sandoval stared out the virtual glass windows of his quarters, studying the people below.  Up here, far removed from the city's life source, it was easy to believe they didn't exist.  That this was all a dream—he would wake in Vanyel's ground room, wrapped in the mage's arms….

Yet he knew this was all too real.  The veined purple walls of the room were solid, not a figment of his imagination.  And they caged him more effectively than any prison of the mind.  He wouldn't be allowed to escape.  Standing up to Zo'or had been a start.  It would buy him some time, while the Taelon attempted to figure out just exactly what talents this human had gained besides telepathy.  That didn't mean he would be turned loose in the city with the rest of the group to do as they pleased.  They would continue to be housed at the Embassy, limited to particular areas and escorted anywhere else.  Sandoval scoffed, as a Protector he would have insisted on such.

Zo'or wouldn't be warned off for long.  Having been deeply tangled in this web of Human-Taelon affairs, he knew too much.  He was too valuable to let be.  The Synod would persist, finding a way to force him into their service.  And no doubt Dr. Belman could find something in her bag of tricks to suppress his Gifts and make him all the more complacent….

"Sandoval?"

He turned, broken from his thoughts.  Vanyel stood several feet away.  The mage was dressed in a flowing green robe.  His silver hair cascaded over his shoulders, set off by the dark material.  Two black feathers were braided at his temple.  Sandoval smiled, raven feathers no doubt.

"You look tired," Vanyel said softly, coming to stand beside Sandoval.

Sandoval nodded.  "It was a trying meeting.  Zo'or wants me…."

"Shhh…."  Vanyel placed his fingers to Sandoval's lips, silencing him.  He smiled mischievously.  Leaning forward, Vanyel gently kissed Sandoval's eyelids, forcing him to close his eyes.

Taking a deep breath, Sandoval relaxed, giving into Vanyel's will.  He shuddered slightly as he felt Vanyel's fingers drop from his lips.  As light as a feather, they traced the line of his neck, his skin tingling wherever they touched.  Warm breath caressed his skin, as Vanyel's lips followed behind his touch.  Fingers lingered at his shoulder, teasing at the silky folds of his robe.

Vanyel reached down and took his hands, leading him across the room to the bed.  Sighing, Sandoval laid down on the comforter.  Seconds later, he felt Vanyel sit down on the edge of the bed next to him.  Soft fingers ran down the curve of his spine.

"I hope you are not too tired, _shaydra_," Vanyel teased, kissing the base of Sandoval's neck.

Sandoval scoffed, shaking his head slightly.  "Have I ever been too tired for you, _ke'chara_?"

***

"Your hair is a mess," Vanyel complained, pulling at the strands of hair that had worked themselves loose from Sandoval's braid.

"I told you it was too short to stay braided."  Sandoval yawned, stretching.  It was no doubt late.  Sun streamed in through the large virtual glass window, bathing the room in a warm, yellow glow.  He should have been up hours ago, but at the moment he really didn't care.  He'd told Zo'or to go to hell yesterday, a late appearance today wasn't going to hurt his reputation with him or Liam any more than that had.  And Da'an would understand his absence.

"It's not too short," Vanyel protested tugging at the feather.  "It just…need's some work."  Taking down the braid, Vanyel started to straighten the crimped hairs.

Smiling, Sandoval pulled away from him.  "Would you leave my poor hair alone?  I have a gift for you."  He found his leather pouch by the bed.  Pulling out a wing feather, he presented it to Vanyel.  "From Serous."

Taking the feather from his hands, Vanyel leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the cheek.  "It is beautiful, _ashke_, beautiful.  But if I am to let you braid this into my hair, you truly must let me rebraid yours.  I have the most delicate snow owl feather and some crystals which will prove most exquisite…."

Sandoval sighed, closing his eyes.  "Fine.  Braid."

"You give in to me so easily…."

"Just braid," Sandoval teased him.  "Before I change my mind and decide not to sit here and let you decorate me like some parade pony."

Vanyel's deft fingers easily worked at the tangles.  Taking a deep breath, Sandoval relaxed, concentrating only on the feel of Vanyel's fingers in his hair.  "Me thinks I doth protest too much."

"Huh?" Vanyel asked, starting to thread crystals into the plait.

Sandoval resisted the urge to shake his head.  "Never mind."

"Still asleep?  That's impossible!"

Sandoval jumped at Liam's voice—directly outside the door.  Shaking his head, Vanyel held him still.  :_It will do no good, my Raven. It is already too late to invent a rational explanation_.:  Sandoval flinched.  Van was right; there was no way to explain away what Liam was about to find.  He felt Vanyel tie off the braid.

"What the hell…?!  Sandoval?"

Sandoval hesitated to open his eyes.  He knew without the aid of sight that Liam had only made it a couple steps in the door before he had stopped dead in his tracks to stare.  He didn't particularly want to see the look on the major's face.  _Shay'a'chern_ were not accepted here.  Reluctantly, he opened his eyes, meeting Liam's gaze.  Surprise, shock, and repulsion radiated off the man before him.  Sandoval flinched, forcing himself to channel the emotions through his body and into his 'ground.'  He was going to have enough trouble with his own emotions, let alone dealing with someone else's.

"I'm sorry, Major.  Was my presence required for something this morning?"

Liam didn't answer.  Instead, he turned and stormed out the door.

"That was fun," Vanyel scoffed, picking up the wing feather Sandoval had given him and quickly braiding it in at his temple.

"I'm not sure I would call it fun."

Shrugging, Vanyel crawled out of bed.  "I know this will prove to be hard—on both of us, but on you especially, my love.  You have told me countless times that this is not accepted here as it is in the Vales.  I understand that and the impact it has on you."  He hesitated and Sandoval flinched, knowing what was coming next.  "My offer still stands.  Some damage has already been done and cannot be repaired, but further complications can be avoided.  I would understand if you chose not to be with me here…."

"You sound like Sunlark."

A pillow playfully flew across the room.  "I do _not_ sound like Sunlark."

"Now, if you could only learn to give backrubs like Sunlark…"

"I didn't hear you complaining last night, you ungrateful, little…."  Vanyel lunged at him.

"Come now, _ke'chara_.  You know you love me, regardless of what I do."

Vanyel smiled.  "Unfortunately, you're right.  But next time you compare me to Sunlark…."

Moving just out of Vanyel's reach, Sandoval returned the smile.  "Next time I compare you to Sunlark, I will see that I have more to evaluate that mere backrubs."  He made his way to his stuff and picked up a slate grey robe.

At first glance, it was plain.  It was meant to be.  But the longer one looked at it, the more details they found.  Dyed into the material was a 'wrinkled' pattern—a haphazard spider web of slightly darker 'cracks' in the slate.  Along the edges of the robe, the color faded into a dull silver that shone slightly when it caught the light just right.  Braiding ran the length of the sleeves.  That was not uncommon in itself, often the _hertasi_ used braiding, jewels, and such to decorate the robes they made.  However, it was the material that made this particular braid that set it apart as special.  White horse hair—Companion hair to be more specific.  Since he had no bondbird and therefore no feathers to offer, Vanyel had been saving hair from Yfandes' tail and intended to do _something_ with it.  It was the _hertasi_ that had come up with this particular use.  A lovely garment all around, though he didn't allow himself to wear it very often for precisely the same reason.  But after this morning…he figured he more than deserved it.

Sandoval sighed as he slipped into the robe.  "I think I need to go talk to Liam.  This could be a very long conversation, don't wait up for me."

"Don't worry.  Sunlark and I will be able to entertain ourselves."

Turning his eyes away, Sandoval feigned a hurt look.  "That was harsh."

Vanyel just laughed.  "You deserved it."

***


	6. Chapter 6

Despite the fact that it was midmorning, the office was dark.  Sandoval glanced to the virtual glass window—it was opaque, blocking virtually all the light coming into the room.  That was a new amenity; when he left there was no way to adjust the light coming into the room.  It was kind of a shame…the room got such beautiful morning sun.  Amazing he hadn't noticed that before.  A stack of papers caught Sandoval's eye.  They were scattered across the desk and a few had wandered so far as the floor—as if Liam had been working all night.  A strong possibility, the Taelons didn't have much respect for a normal schedule.  In that case, he could understand the major's aversion to the sun.  Liam was sitting in the chair, his head buried in his arms on top of the desk.  Sandoval scoffed, even if he had been working all night…to take a nap right here in the office was bad planning—anyone could walk right in.

Sandoval perched himself on the edge of the desk.  "Liam?"  The man didn't move.  "Liam?" Sandoval asked again.  Still no answer.  He hesitated, uncertain of what to do next.  He really didn't want to wake him up, especially not if it was going to take much effort.  But they definitely needed to discuss what had happened.  "Wake up, Liam," Sandoval prodded him, reaching out to touch his shoulder.

Blinding white pain flooded his mind, leaving a burning trail behind it.  Taking a deep breath, Sandoval recentered himself, resisting being swept up in the tide.  So much for Liam being asleep….  He broke his contact with the major's mind; if he intended to have any sort of control he was going to have to start over from the beginning.  He knew better than to be caught unprepared like that; Moondance would have given him quite the lecture  for making such a careless mistake.  Sandoval reached out towards Liam's mind once more.

Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted a Global laying on the desk.  Sandoval hesitated, studying it.  Technically, he should report this.  Liam wasn't his responsibility and if anything happened it would be best if he wasn't the one they blamed.  Dr. Belman would be able to care for him just as well….  Before he could change his mind, Sandoval snatched the Global from the desktop.

***

"Where the hell am I?" Liam groaned, opening his eyes.  Bright light assaulted his senses, blinding him.  He attempted to roll over to escape the light, but tight restraints held him in place.  Giving in, he squeezed his eyes shut.

"Liam?" a familiar voice called to him.  "Liam, wake up."  Reluctantly he opened his eyes again.  The lights had been turned away and Dr. Belman now stood at his side.  "How are you feeling?"

"I've felt better."

"I can imagine.  Do you remember how you ended up here?"

Liam looked around the room, hoping it could give him some clue.  It was just like any other room in med sciences.  Nothing jumped out to help him remember.  "Not really."

Dr. Belman nodded as if she expected as much.  "Tell me what you do remember."

"I went to find Sandoval."  Liam scoffed to himself.  He had certainly found Sandoval.  But where he had found him….  That wasn't exactly what he had been expecting.  "I found Sandoval, then went back to my office.  After that…."

"That's more than I expected."  She hesitated.  "Simply, Liam, the CVI is attacking your brain."

"What?"  Liam stared at her.  "I don't understand."

"I told you from the beginning that I didn't know how the CVI would react to the fact that you're part Chimera.  Let's just say it didn't go over well."

"It can do that?" he asked, unbelieving.  The CVI was designed to enhance the human mind, no one had brought up the fact that I could turn against its host.  A minor detail the Companions left out?  Or did they know?

"Obviously it can."  Dr. Belman shook her head.  "The thing _is_ part Taelon virus.  We hardly even understand their technology, let alone a bioengineered virus built with that technology.  Hell, we don't know much about _human_ viruses."

"But to attack its host….  Isn't it killing itself by doing so?"

"In a way, yes," she answered.  "But I don't think that's its main concern.  I…I don't know what to say in my report.  We've never documented anything like this.  And I'm worried it might raise some questions you'd prefer not to answer."

Liam closed his eyes.  This was _definitely_ going to raise some questions he didn't want to answer.  And he didn't want to think about it right now.  Not when the memory of his headache still nagged at his mind.  "I take it there's nothing to be done."

"I'm working on it, Liam.  I really am.  But right now, no.  I warned you before we started…."

"I know, I know.  You can quit reminding me.  I don't hold you responsible.  I suppose there's no way to keep this from the Taelons."

"Actually…I already took care of that.  They think you overworked yourself.  Zo'or's using it as an example of how frail and inferior the human race is—but I think that's better than the alternative."

"Agreed."

Dr. Belman started to turn away from the bed.  "Get some sleep.  I want to keep you around for observation for a while."  Not in much of a position to protest, Liam closed his eyes.

***

"I thought I might find you here," Sunlark said, sitting down beside Sandoval on one of the garden benches.

"I needed to think."

Sunlark nodded.  "Heard you had an interesting morning."

"More than interesting…." Sandoval scoffed.  "What did Vanyel tell you?"

"Not much.  Just that you might need me."  Sunlark looked up to the sky.  The sun was beginning to set, gilding the clouds with a pink glow.  "He was worried when you didn't come back this afternoon."  Sandoval didn't answer.  Sunlark sighed to himself—this was going to prove to be actual work.  Vanyel had been too worried to tell him much this afternoon.  And now Sandoval had pretty much withdrawn into himself.  "What happened?"

Sandoval shook his head.  "Nothing."

"If it was nothing, you would not be sitting out here in the garden—you would have retired to your room with Vanyel long ago.  Or is that perhaps part of the problem?"

"Liam walked in on us in bed together this morning," Sandoval said simply.

"So that is the problem.  I had wondered when this would come up.  You have changed much in the last year, but it is still quite early to test you."

Sandoval flinched away from him.  "There is nothing to test," he protested.  "I love Vanyel."

"I do not suggest otherwise," Sunlark assured him.  "But it is difficult to have that tested.  You changed very rapidly, Sandoval, and perhaps not under the best of conditions.  I am no Healer, but I know that Empathy and Healing are trying Gifts—especially in your case.  I can only imagine the turmoil in your mind as you learned things about yourself that you never expected and, I suppose, some things you would prefer not to know."  He hesitated.  Sandoval was offering him nothing.  How far should he push?  "I have seen your pain.  I wish I could say that it was over.  But as you can see, it is not.  You will constantly be tested—you will doubt and you will hurt.  And it will be hard.  But in truth, you have been through the hardest part—you have made decisions as to what is right and wrong for you.  Societies as a whole have ethics and morals, yes, but it is the individual that must adopt them and choose to uphold them.  You have made those decisions.  Now they are being tested."

"What in the hell are you talking about?" Sandoval asked.  "Have you ever given a straight answer in your life?"

Sunlark flinched at the hostility radiating off Sandoval. He was obviously not bothering to shield himself or control his emotions—both dangerous scenarios.  If Sandoval lashed out….  Sunlark pushed the thought from his mind.  It would not be a pleasant outcome—he could not protect himself from as much power as Sandoval could throw at him, even unintentionally.  Nor could anyone else in the Embassy and perhaps the surrounding blocks.  "In my line of work, Sandoval, there _are_ no straight answers."

"By the Goddess, you are difficult."

"I shall take that as a compliment, though I am not certain that I am the one being difficult.  You are the one that has completely withdrawn into yourself in a matter of hours and refuses to explain why."

"I told you…Liam walked in on Vanyel and me in bed.  Is that not enough?"

"Enough, perhaps, if the two of you were trying to form some exotic variant of a _Tayledras_ mating circle."  Sunlark sighed as Sandoval failed to find his joke amusing.  "What difference does it make if he knows?"

Sandoval didn't answer.

"Do you feel guilty about it?"

Sandoval didn't answer.

"Do you think what you have done is wrong?"

Sandoval didn't answer.

"Are you ashamed?"

Still, Sandoval didn't answer.

"Answer me, Sandoval," Sunlark snapped.  This was unfair and incredibly harsh, he knew, but he had to force Sandoval to come up with an answer.

His head dropped into his hands.  "No."  Then barely above a whisper, "Yes."

Sandoval relaxed slightly.  One topic down, one more to go.  "Why did you leave Liam this morning?"

"He wasn't my responsibility."  Sandoval answered without raising his head.

"You are a Healer, are you not?  He was hurt.  I think that makes him your responsibility."

"The Taelon medial staff can care for him as well as I could."

Sunlark steadied himself, forcing himself not to react.  It was as if he had not spent an entire year working with Sandoval, as if the man had forgotten in one afternoon everything his experience had taught him.  "Do you truly believe that?  Do you not listen during your lessons?  Do you think that a simple doctor with a few machines at her disposal could even begin to match a _Tayledras_ trained Healer that has life flowing through his veins?"  He paused, collecting his thoughts.  "If you want a straight answer from me, then listen, Sandoval, for this is as straight as it comes.

"You are scared, so very scared.  You have seen the pain and the darkness, you have been there and you do not want to go back.  But you are so blind that you cannot see that in running away you have put yourself exactly where you didn't want to be.

"Liam is dying, I spoke to Dr. Belman myself.  But I don't need to tell you that, you already know.  Perhaps not consciously, but you know.  You can't help but know.  How can you forsake your Gift like that?  To turn your back on one in so much pain.  It is not a right and it is not a choice, Sandoval—it is your duty to help those who are hurt.  Yours is the power of life.  You have been blessed with compassion and caring and the power to heal wounds of the flesh.  These Gifts are not for your benefit, but for the good of others.  I know you did not ask for your Gifts and I know you did not want them.  But they were given to you nonetheless.  The Goddess does not make mistakes, you were meant to use them.  To deny that desire inside you….  Why?  Because Liam represents what you once were.  He's a slave to the Taelons, doing their bidding and taking care of their dirty work.  He reminds you too much of when you did the same, of the horrid crimes you committed in their name.  But to back away from him is to leave him in the same darkness that entangled you.

"And Vanyel.  You have no right to hurt him.  Yes, hurt him.  You are so afraid of what people will think of you, afraid that they will reject you for being shay'a'chern.  How can you be so selfish?  Vanyel has never left your side.  He has loved you no matter what.  It has not been easy for him—to learn to love again after 'Lendel and to put up with you, for you are not always an easy person to get along with.  Yet now, when the possibility exists that one person that does not matter to you in the first place might think slightly less of you for being _shaych_ you turn away from him without a second thought.  I have seen such happiness in your eyes when you are with him.  Do you forget all of that?

"On top of everything else, you spend much of your time focusing on what you have lost.  You wish yourself back in the Vale.  What, in truth, have you lost?  A few waterfalls, some hot soaking springs, well concealed trysting spots.  How sad.  Vanyel and I lost our _homes_, our friends, our family….

"You were right, Sandoval—you do need to think.  And Vanyel was wrong—you don't need me.  I'll tell him not to expect you back."  Standing, Sunlark walked off without looking back.

***


	7. Chapter 7

"Agent Sandoval?  What are you doing here?"  A surprised Dr. Belman met him at the door.  "I'm not sure that you have clearance to be here anymore."

"I came to see about Liam.  Please…."  He nodded slightly, trying to show his good will.  Dr. Belman had always been suspicious of Implants.  He could understand that all too well, she knew exactly what they were capable of.  After a few seconds, she relented and let him into the room.  "How is he?"

"Not well.  I'm afraid his condition has worsened."

"Can I see him?"

She hesitated, uncertain.  "Why not," she said finally and led him into a back room.  "Just for a few minutes," she warned him.

He smiled.  "I can try, but it is probably going to take a lot longer than that."

Dr. Belman looked at him oddly.  "I think I'm going to stick around for this 'visit.'"  She went to stand against the wall.

Sandoval didn't bother to argue with her.  He took a deep breath and placed a hand on Liam's forehead.  The man didn't move.  "That's it," he said softly.  "Just sleep.  This will be much easier on you if you sleep through it.  Just sleep."

***

"What?" Sunlark groaned as a sharp whistle sounded through the room.  Reluctantly, he opened his eyes.  Serous sat perched on the headboard of his bed.  "Stupid bird.  Why do you insist on bothering me.  I am _not_ your bonded.  Go find him."

"That is why we came.  Sandoval didn't come back to his room last night."

Sunlark stirred at Vanyel's voice.  "I told you he wouldn't."

"But he's not in the garden."

"Ask Yfandes," he said, putting the pillow over his head.

"Why?"

"Because she promised to keep an eye on him," Sunlark mumbled through the pillow.

:_Fandes?:_

_:Finally, beloved.  I wondered when you were going to ask where he was.  He went inside early this morning, and I wasn't sure what he was up to.  But Da'an's sitting down here with me….  At least he thought to bring me breakfast, because by Haven my Chosen can't remember to feed me.  Just because I'm stuck out here in one of the gardening sheds and you're inside in a nice warm bed….:_

_:I get the picture.  Sorry, 'Fandes.  I figured you were eating grass.:_

_:This immaculately preened lawn?  I think not.  The gardeners would kill me!:_

_:But about Sandoval?:_

_:Oh, yes.  Da'an came down and brought me breakfast and was telling me how he had to call the Embassy security off Sandoval.:_

_:Where?:_

_:Where else?  Med sciences.  He's with Liam.  And he could probably use a little help_.:

"Thanks, Sunlark."  Vanyel turned to leave.

"No problem."  Sunlark pulled the pillow off his face.  Serous chirped.  "Hey, wait!  Take his damn bird with you!"

***

The room was dark and quiet.  Sunlark paused just inside the door to let his eyes adjust.  Across the room, Sandoval lay on the bed, Vanyel sitting at his side.  Trying to be as quiet as possible, he made his way over to them.  "How's he doing?" he whispered, putting a hand on Vanyel's shoulder.

"He's tired, but that's to be expected.  He's well trained, but he really didn't have the experience for something like that.  It took a lot out of him."

"I think he was more prepared than you give him credit for.  He's been on the other end of that situation.  Besides, the Healing comes naturally to him when he lets it.  Can I talk with him for a bit?"

Vanyel brushed a wisp of hair from Sandoval's forehead.  "I wanted him to sleep some more…."

"I promise, my friend, I will not be long.  If I begin to tire him, I will stop."

Reluctantly, Vanyel gave in.  "Alright."  He nodded slightly and excused himself from the room.

Sunlark sat down in his place.  "Wake for a little while, Sandoval."  He reached out, putting a hand on the Healer's shoulder.  Sandoval stirred slightly, opening his eyes.  "That's it, wake up."

"Sunlark?"  Sandoval reached up, touching his arm as if uncertain that everything was real.  "I didn't expect to see you here—not when you were so mad at me."

"Not mad."  Sunlark squeezed Sandoval's shoulder.  "I am not certain that the Goddess gave _kestra'cherns_ the ability to be mad."

"Either way, you were right.  I still don't know all the answers to your questions, but…."

"It's alright," he assured Sandoval.  "In truth, I owe you an apology.  I pushed you too hard.  Such are natural doubts and fears.  I had seen the signs and knew they would come up in time.  In fact, though you did not realize it, we have spent much time laying the groundwork for such questions.  Unfortunately, you chose a poor time to doubt yourself.  I couldn't let you allow Liam to die, a choice that later on would haunt you.  You have enough to deal with without that.  And so I pushed you.  I am sorry."

"Don't be.  Thank you."

"That is the first time someone has thanked me for causing them pain.  It is an interesting twist on the matter.  As for the rest of…things, I will help you find the answers you need."  He took his hand from Sandoval's shoulder and fingered the feather at the Healer's temple.  "To all but one question.  That one only Vanyel can help you answer."

***

"Thanks for coming, Bud."  Liam rose to greet the man as he entered the office.

"No problem, sir…ugh…I mean, Liam.  No need to rise on my account."  Bud took a seat and Liam sat back down.  "Hear you been under the weather."

"Unfortunately, that's correct."  Liam glanced back behind him to Sunlark, as if unsure exactly how much to say.

"That there one of them people we found that night?"

"Yes, this is Sunlark.  Sunlark, this is Bud Kinsey, an ID technician for the Taelons."

"That's me, the man behind your interdimensional.  What can I do for y'all today?"

"That night you said there had been similar disturbances about a year previously.  How similar?"

"Almost identical.  No more 'an a .001% difference."

"Are you certain?" Sunlark asked before Liam had a chance to say anything.

"A'course I'm certain.  I know my signals."

"And the difference, was it in the temporal field?"

"Are you a techie?  I ain't heard of a Sun Lark.  I think I'd remember some one named after a bird."

Sunlark shook his head.  "Not a tech.  I just haven't had much to do, so I've been reading.  And I'm only partially named after a bird."

"I wondered, 'cause the only lark I know is a _meadow_ lark.  Though with such a bright yella belly as he's got, he could be a _sun_ lark.  And I tell them people that my job is no more than readin', writin', and 'rithmitic.  Well, more a' the readin' and the 'rithmitic—they don't let me write much.  That reminds me of my ol' school days…."

"Bud," Liam interrupted, afraid he was losing control of the situation.  "Could you _cause_ an identical disruption in ID?"

"Ugh…" he hesitated.  "I suppose.  Kinda."

"What do you mean, 'kinda'?" Liam prodded.

"Well, it would be 'xact.  Close, but….  Not even the originals were 'xact.  I havta run a reiterated alog…ugh, for simplicity's sake, let's just call it a 'quation…on the temporal disruption and calculate a probable value for that there section.  I can possibly correlate that temporal disruption with our own time values and find a marker there.

"Well…Sirs….  ID is like space an' time mixed.  Kinda.  It's like concrete, ever seen someone mix and lay concrete?  Space and time are them rocks an' when ya mix 'em together, they form one thing—concrete.  Separate, but one.  For ID, ya wanna bend that concrete, but concrete don't like ta bend.  See…we bend it so that the two spots ya want to jump between are as close ta one another as possible.  But like I say, concrete don't like ta bend.  It like to stay however the layer put it.  Which, with ID, was God.  And the Lord Almighty, he chose a kinda curve shape.  Now, my job is ta bend the concrete.  But…though I only wanna play with the space rocks, I have to take the time rocks with me 'cause they all mixed up together.  So I put in markers that tells my concrete just exactly what rocks I wanna play with.  Two space rocks, but just one time rock.  Which is where that temporal marker come in.  It tells them rocks what time it is, so that both space rocks have the same time rock.  Which is why ID portals are instantaneous.

"Now shuttles, thems a little different.  We have a formula to tell us what to put for one of their temporal markers.  They get about the 'quivalent of seven minutes.  'Cause them big.  Harder for somethin' big to jump through concrete."

"That's great, Bud, but all I really need to know is whether you can find the right temporal marker."  Liam rushed through the question, before Bud could start in on how shuttles were like locusts or some such thing.  "Yes or no?"

"Yeh."

Liam nodded.  "Sounds great.  Get on it."  With that, Bud left.

"Do you trust him?" Sunlark asked once he was gone.

"Trust him?  Of course.  He may sound like some backwards woodsman from Arkansas.  But he has an IQ higher than most people in this Embassy.  Graduated from an Ivy League college.  And probably the only one that can get you guys home, Meadowlark."

***

"I cannot accompany you back to your world," Da'an said as Sunlark entered his audience chamber.

"I know.  I'm sorry."

"I do not think that I am."  Da'an blushed.  "I did not fit there.  Here, at least, there are people of my kind.  While I do not always agree with them, they are here."

"And you'll do much good here, Da'an.  You can teach them many things," Sunlark assured him.

"Yes, I must show them where they are wrong.  What about Sandoval?"

"I do not know.  He will be free to make that decision on his own."

"You have not told them?"

"No, not yet.  Bud will have the temporal marker by tonight.  Then I will tell them.  Regardless of what Sandoval decides, it will be best if the result comes quickly.  And if I told Vanyel, he would attempt to sway Sandoval's decision in his favor."

"I see your reasoning.  It was a pleasure to spend time with you, Sunlark."

"And the same with you, Da'an."

***


	8. Chapter 8

Sandoval pulled his knees to his chest and rested his forehead on them.  Sunlark's words flooded his mind, spilling over and drenching his heart in the downpour.  More than a gentle rain, it was a storm.  Reason and emotion, past and present, right and wrong—all battling with each other in his mind.

"How do you feel, _ke'chara_?"

Sandoval jumped as Vanyel sat down beside him on the bed.  He hadn't truly expected the reason for his turmoil to materialize out of nowhere.

"Are you alright?"  The Herald reached out to brush his cheek.  Sandoval flinched away from him.

"Yeah.  Fine," he stammered finally.

"Nothing a little rest won't cure, I'm sure.  You could do with some more sleep.  I worry…."  Vanyel scoffed lightly, cutting off his sentence.

Sandoval tensed as Vanyel's hand rubbed his shoulder, fingertips gently working their way into his muscles.  He jerked away from the touch.  "Vanyel," he hesitated.  "I…I can't.  Please."  The Herald's face fell and he abruptly took his hand away.  Sandoval cringed as guilt wound its way around his heart.  "I'm sorry…."

"It's alright."  Vanyel's eyes fell to his hands—they lay listless in his lap.  Slowly, he stood and turned from the bed.  "I…I..." he didn't bother to finish his thought, moving to the door instead.

"Vanyel, don't go.  I just….  Just don't go."  Vanyel paused, but he didn't move away from the door.  "I don't know what you tell you.  I really don't."

"How can you ask me to stay?" he started quietly.  "How can you turn me away, then ask me to stay?  I…I should have known.  Sunlark warned me last night, he said you were having a difficult time.  Still, I did not expect this.  A difficult time with questions and needing assurance I expected.  But you have turned away from me in less than a day.  You withdraw back inside yourself, you pull away from me as if I have mistreated you.  I know it is not easy and I know you hurt.  Consider that I hurt too."  He hesitated, unsure.  "I was so careful, so very very careful.  I wanted you from the moment I saw you and I knew I could probably not have you.  When you came to me, I was scared.  Everything I wanted stood before me and it had been so long….  But the last thing in the world I wanted was to hurt you.  I was so careful…."

"I think I came at a bad time."  Sunlark stepped through the door.

"No," Vanyel snapped.  "I was just leaving."  With that, he hurried from the room.

Sandoval watched him go.  Vanyel didn't look back.  He flinched as pain gripped his chest.  What had he done?  For the second time in his life he'd hurt the person he loved.  Did he not learn?  He'd forced Deedee out of his life and it had haunted him for years.  Now to push aside Vanyel….  Sandoval closed his eyes and buried his head in his arms.  He was alone again.  Alone.  The darkness swelled, threatening to overwhelm him.

"Sandoval," Sunlark tried to get his attention.

He didn't bother to raise his head.  What could Sunlark want with him?  The _kestra'chern_ had already made it clear that he didn't approve of how he was treating Vanyel.  If Sunlark had any idea what had just transpired….  He gasped as the pain closed around his heart.  It pressed on his lungs, making it impossible to breathe.  So dark…and cold…so alone.  He shivered as he recognized the feeling.  He knew this place, he'd been here before—and he'd fought it for so long.

Strong arms wrapped around his shoulders, drawing him tight into someone's side.  Sunlark?  Surely not after he'd failed him so.  Vanyel?  There was no way the mage could forgive him.  Sandoval banished such thoughts from his mind; it didn't matter.  Nothing mattered.  The pain fed off his being, draining the energy from his body.  He felt the hot tears run down his cheeks.

"Don't, Sandoval."  He heard Sunlark's soft voice whisper into his ear.  "Don't give in, my friend.  You've beat it once before; that struggle was not in vain."

***

The office was dark, but Sunlark could still make out Vanyel's form leaning against the far wall.  He knelt down just inside the door, reaching out towards a shadow on the floor.  His fingers brushed the soft down of a feather, broken beyond repair.

"I know you probably do not want to talk at the moment, but we must."  Sunlark sat down next to Vanyel.  "You know I would not push you if I had a choice.  But this situation cannot wait, there is too much pain in both of you.  Pain which is all too understandable."  He paused.  "He has cried himself into exhaustion, Vanyel.  Sit by him, please."

"No."

"He needs you.  He needs you as badly as he has ever needed you."

Vanyel snapped his head up, glaring at Sunlark.  Even in the darkness, he could see the anger flash across the mage's eyes.  "You ask me to sit at his side when he would not sit at mine.  I do not know him anymore.  He would do well to disown me.  It did not take him long to forget me and everything I have ever given him when his world threatened to question his choice.  He cringes from my touch as if I would hurt him.  Does he not realize it hurts me as well?!"  Vanyel shook his head slightly.  "I would have shouldered the burden with him.  I would have stood by his side.  But now it seems that does not matter to him.  _I_ do not matter to him.  Perhaps I never did."

"He is human.  And by nature, we are selfish beings.  Whether it is right or not, we look to ourselves first.  You cannot fault him for being human.  You cannot fault anyone for being human.

"You remind me much of a young Tallo.  His lover balked as Sandoval has.  Tallo was so hurt, he lashed out at his lover.  Unfortunately, he struck with powers he did not understand and could not control.  It was only as his lover died did Tallo realize that their love had never gone—faltered, but not lost.  Moondance regrets that moment every day of his life, we have spoken of it often.  You will not need to destroy Sandoval, he will destroy himself.  He is overwhelmed with pain.  If you meant nothing to him, he would not hurt so.  He has questions, yes.  There is no doubt that he is uncertain of the road he has chosen.  Such questions are to be expected.  Sandoval was forced to change far more rapidly than I would like, and the world has not settled well beneath him.  He is unsure of himself.  I agree with you that he has dealt with it poorly, but that is no reason to destroy what you have.  Be patient and understanding, Vanyel.  I think you will find that he has not lost his love for you."

***

The room was mostly dark.  Sandoval slept quietly on the bed.  Vanyel shook his head, things change so quickly and easily.  Two nights ago they'd shared that same bed.  Last night he'd lain there alone worrying.  Tonight it was Sandoval that kept that bed by himself—just as worried, if Sunlark was right.

He hated it when Sunlark was right.  Granted, the man was a _kestra'chern_, it was his job to be right.  Still, some days he wished he was wrong.  He was perfectly content being mad at Sandoval, blaming him for his pain.  Then Sunlark came along and ruined that by calmly noting that they were both at fault.

Unfortunately, Sunlark had an all too vivid point.  He had over reacted.  He had acted out of pain.  Exactly as Moondance had—and Moondance suffered from that decision for the rest of his life.

Vanyel sat down in a chair that had been placed beside the bed.  He had a right to be hurt, but he did not have a right to be blinded by it.  Over the past year, he'd learned much about his lover—perhaps more than Sandoval knew about himself.  Even the most perceptive person was blind about himself—that had become all too apparent in the past couple days.  Sandoval's questioning of himself.  His own rash reaction to the situation.  If he didn't know himself, how could he blame Sandoval for the same.  He felt guilty as he looked to the ruined feather in his hands.  Sandoval loved him, he was stupid to doubt that.

Sandoval stirred in his sleep.  Instinctively, Vanyel reached up to brush his cheek.  Sandoval flinched away, waking at the touch.  "Van?"

"Shhh…" he whispered, leaning forward to lay a hand on his forehead and soothe him back to sleep.  He stopped himself just in time.  Sandoval cringed as he took his hand back.  "I can't say this doesn't hurt me, Sandoval.  But…I don't want to do anything I'm going to regret later.  I can't turn my back on you, not now, not like this.  I love you, my Raven, I always have and I always will, regardless of what happens…."

"Vanyel," Sandoval stopped him.  "Don't.  I…when I watched you leave, my entire world fell down around me again.  The only thing I wanted was to have that moment back, so that for once I could say the right thing and not have to see you walk away.  I wished I could have every moment back, every moment that I pulled away from you, and this time I would draw you closer.  But time doesn't work that way, no matter how badly I wanted it to.  And I knew I would probably never have the chance to tell you what I wanted to.  I love you, Vanyel.  I am so sorry.  There aren't even words…."

Vanyel felt a gentle touch at the edge of his mind, tentative and uncertain.  He relaxed, letting it come.  The touch gained substance as it found familiar footholds in his mind.  It had been so long since they'd shared each other's minds without a crisis consuming one of them.  The field in k'Treva, that was the last time every thing had been wonderful….  He closed his eyes, remembering that day.  It had been perfect.  The sun, a light breeze, and Sandoval.  Smiling, he focused in on those memories.  Nothing Sandoval had to say at the moment mattered, nothing mattered.  Nothing but what that afternoon stood for.

:_Please forgive me_.:  Sandoval barely whispered in his mind.

:_I could forgive you anything_, ke'chara.  _Anything.  We have both been a little rash and selfish of late.  I especially have not been as understanding and supportive as I should be.  But we could go on forever, each taking the blame.  Let's leave it at this and move on.  As slowly and carefully as we need to._:

He felt the presence that was Sandoval relax slowly in his mind.  Relaxing himself, he let the connection drop further into his mind.  A heaviness seeped through his body, drawing the energy from his muscles.  Vanyel sighed, opening his eyes.  Sandoval had curled up into a tight ball on the bed, twisted up in the covers.  He scoffed, the man had never been a quiet sleeper.  Very carefully, he pulled another blanket from the end of the bed over his form.  Sandoval didn't move.  Sunlark was right, he'd cried himself into exhaustion.  "Sleep, my raven.  I'll be right here."

"Glad to see you here.  I was worried for a while."

Vanyel nearly fell out of his chair at the voice.  He had almost been asleep…almost.  Only the Goddess knew how long he'd been sitting here _trying_ to fall asleep, his body twisted in five different directions at once in attempts to find some sort of comfortable position.  It was impossible.  The chair had some mysterious vendetta against him.  But who….

"Calm down, Van," Sunlark laid a hand on his shoulder.  Vanyel felt his muscles relax under the _kestra'chern's_ touch as warmth spread slowly through them.  Almost as good as a Tayledras soaking spring….  He sighed, there was so much he missed about the Vale.  "I have good news."

"What?  You have no idea how long I've been trying to get to sleep, and how badly I need it."

Sunlark smiled.  "Unfortunately, I do.  He's draining you, as he drained me earlier.  I know Moondance would not allow it, and he would probably be right.  But I think there are always exceptions.  I would rather let him get away with this than have to face bandaging his wrists again.  You will be glad I came, though.  We have a way home."

"Home?  As in back to Valdemar?"  Vanyel stared at him, unbelieving.

"Well…back to the Vale.  Or at least close to it, I hope.  It is complicated, but it can be done."

"Sandoval…I should tell him…."  He leaned forward to wake Sandoval.  Sunlark tightened the grip on his shoulder, stopping him.

"Let him sleep.  There is no hurry.  We may depart whenever we wish.  But, Van, he does not have to accompany us.  While this world has hurt him, it is his home.  You must let him decide on his own."

"I…" Vanyel didn't bother to even start his reply.  Once again, the all-knowing Sunlark was right.  This was Sandoval's world.  If Sandoval wanted to stay here, that was his choice.  He had no say in the matter.  "I am growing weary of your 'rightness,' Sunlark.  Do you know what I would do to prove you wrong just once?"

Laughing, Sunlark squeezed Vanyel's shoulder.  "If I did not know you were joking, I might consider that a threat.  But trust me, it can be done.  Not very often, but it can be done.  And has—many, many times."

"I would love to hear about them," Vanyel said, his words dripping sarcasm.

"I think not."  Sunlark shook his head.  "A good _kestra'chern_ keeps his secrets close to his heart and far from his mouth."  He turned to leave.  "I'll check back on you in a couple hours.  It will not be long before we see the Vale again."

***


	9. Chapter 9

The soft rustle of fabric woke Vanyel from his light sleep.  It had come from the direction of the doorway; Sandoval must be home.  He rolled over to check, but his eyes refused to see that far into the darkness.  Quietly, he forced himself up off the floor, grabbing one of the blankets from his makeshift bed.

"Sunlark just let you go?" he asked, crouching down next to Sandoval.

Sandoval nearly fell out of the chair he was curled up in.  "What are you doing up?"

"I heard you come in."  Vanyel offered him the blanket.  "Tough session?"

Taking the blanket, Sandoval pulled it tight around himself.  "Sunlark and Moondance—they teamed up on me today.  I am so tired…."

Vanyel smiled slightly.  He knew all too well what Sandoval meant.  Tired physically, tired mentally, and tired emotionally.  He'd been worked to that point by Starwind far too many times himself, he couldn't imagine a session like that with Moondance and Sunlark.  Vanyel stepped over to a small side table, lighting a candle.  He was slightly surprised to find two glasses of tea sitting next to the candle, steam still coming off them.  They were sitting on a heating rock, but still the _hertasi_ couldn't have left much earlier.  Silently, he thanked whichever _hertasi_ had the foresight to wait around until Sandoval was released from his training and bring tea, even in the middle of the night.  "Here."  Vanyel handed him one of the cups.

"Thank you."  The room fell silent.  Vanyel sat down in one of the chairs and contented himself with watching Sandoval drink.  Soft candlelight played off his dark skin, shadows darting back and forth over his features.  A soft metallic glow gilded his hair, the first hints of the inevitable silvering.  He was dressed in a silver robe that flowed like molten metal over the edges of the chair, escaping from the dirt brown blanket.  Finishing his tea, Sandoval set the cup down on the floor.  He reached up and pulled at the braid in his hair.  The crystals were stubborn and stayed pleated into his hair—crystals, no feather.  Too tired to fight them, he let his hands fall back to his lap.

Vanyel left his chair and knelt down beside Sandoval.  "It's alright," he assured him, taking the braid in his fingers.  Sandoval didn't protest.  The plait had worked itself into a knot and it took sometime to undo each of the crystals.  Pulling the last from his hair, Vanyel gathered them and the cup and took everything to the table.  As he turned around, he saw a tear glisten in the candlelight as it ran down Sandoval's cheek.  "Are you okay?" Vanyel asked, kneeling at his side again.

Sandoval shook his head.  "It was just a tough session.  They pushed me to my limits…and beyond."

"Shhh…" Vanyel tried to calm him.  It was all too obvious that he had been pushed.  He could feel the tempest that was Sandoval's mind and heart—just barely, but enough.  Sandoval was not shielding himself as he should be.  What exactly had they done to him?  He trusted Sunlark to know exactly how far to push Sandoval, even how far to push him over his limits, but the _kestra'chern_ had gotten a little too close for comfort this time.  If they had hurt him….  Vanyel checked his thoughts before they got away from him.  Sandoval was a healer and an empath—any serious training session was bound to get emotional.  Between the two of them, Sunlark and Moondance had everything under control.  "They just wanted one last chance to work you to death.  You should sleep.  We leave for Haven in the morning and it is a long ride."

"Not yet.  I can't sleep yet."

"I'll sit up with you."  He stood up, going back to the chair he'd been in earlier.  Sandoval didn't even acknowledge that he had moved, too focused on some internal struggle to notice.  Vanyel longed to reach out and help him, but forced himself to merely sit and watch as tears ran silently down Sandoval's cheeks.

"Van?" Sandoval asked finally.  His demeanor didn't change—he continued to stare into the darkness, his attention internal.  "If you had it all to do over again, what would you do different?"

Vanyel hesitated, unsure of how to answer.  "I don't know.  Even the worst has had some good come from it."

Sandoval shook his head.  "There are so many things I would change.  I would have paid more attention when Sunlark told me to start anew.  I would have learned from my mistakes the first time.  I would have not forsaken my second chance.  And I would not have abandoned my lover."

"_Shayna_, don't say that.  We agreed to let things be…."

"I know and this has nothing, and everything, to do with that agreement.  I wish I had spent all day in training as a Healer or any of my other Gifts, but I did not.  I spent it in training as a _kestra'chern_.  Sunlark would not let me leave otherwise.  He is right, my Gifts are too strong and in too much conflict with each other for conventional training.  And that is avoiding the fact that I am not the most stable person that he has dealt with recently."  Sandoval's breath caught in his throat.  "I now realize that part of what makes a _kestra'chern_ is an extensive knowledge of oneself.  I have examined too many parts of myself today that I did not know existed."

Sandoval stopped and Vanyel waited for him to start again.  This was not a conversation, it was a confession, and it was not his place to interrupt.  "I cannot live like this.  I cannot escape my past.  I cannot even learn from it and move on.  It has far too tight a hold on me.  Even when I thought I had embraced my new life, I reverted back to my old habits the moment my new lifestyle was challenged.  Sunlark saw it coming.  He knew, but he gave me the chance to deal with it.  I couldn't and I nearly destroyed myself yet again—in a trap of my own making.  This time, I almost took you with me.

"Today I saw and knew myself for the first time, and it scared me.  We spoke for so long that we could not speak anymore—I have screamed and cried and hurt and looked into the void once again….  I met a Moondance who was a Tallo and a Sunlark who was not the man he is today.  And I am finally ready to heal.  They have helped me to bury who I was.  The memories are there, but they are distant and the pain does not reach me.  There is nothing to take their place, Vanyel.  Nothing.  A future that is completely blank and without direction.  I must define it."

Sandoval flinched and looked up.  Vanyel forced himself to meet his eyes.  The Healer visibly collected himself.  "I am not strong enough to face this alone.  I don't want to face it alone.  Help me, Vanyel.  I can't imagine a life without you at my side."

Vanyel wiped the tears from his eyes.  Oh, Goddess, my raven….  He would live and die at his side….  Without a word, he knelt before Sandoval, taking both of the Healer's trembling hands in his own.  "Do not doubt it, my friend…my lover.  I would stand by you against the world.  I only hope that I never fail you."  He smiled as a thought creeped into his mind.  "I love you, Nightstorm.  For so long in the darkness of night, you found your way from the storm.

Tears ran from Sandoval's eyes.  He tightened his grip on Vanyel's hands, nodding slightly.  "Nightstorm."

_Let a light shine in your window,_

_Let me see where I have been—_

_And if that light still shines,_

_And if fortune smiles,_

_I will pass this way again._

_I will pass this way again._

~Fin~

6-03-2002


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